Dove Grey #18, Crimson #2

[blossomdreams]

Name: Blossom
Story: Pleasant Surprise
Colors: Dove Grey #18 (Gone where I cannot follow, until I have finished all of my days) Crimson #2 (See you in my dreams)
Supplies and Styles: canvas, oils, stain (When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. --R. Buckminster Fuller), glue, seed beads, Graffiti (I'll have seconds)
Title: Dreams are made of this
Word Count: 640
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Claire thinks about some things on her way to file some papers.
Warnings: mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts, and reference to a suicide moment. There are triggering moments from someone during grief, please proceed carefully.
Notes: So hello everyone *waves* It's been a while since I posted here and I'm hoping to keep up with it. This is probably the second time I've written second person and I hope it's alright. I'm really think of taking the seed beads tag off Claire, but we'll see. Also, the archive will be up soon. Enjoy!

Sometimes you wonder why you get out of bed some mornings when all you want to do is curl up in the covers and forget your problems for a while, but you can’t. You have a little boy that needs you even though he’s staying with his grandparents and uncles for now. You knew it was a bad idea to leave him with Bernard and Alene, but they offered and you didn’t have the energy to say no.

You drag yourself out of bed and start going through the things you have to do for the day. There are papers to sign, houses to look at and decisions to make like who’s going to rule now that he’s gone. You still can’t say his name without your heart breaking and your throat stopping the word before it makes it out of your mouth. At least you don’t fall apart at the sound of his name anymore. You guess that’s progress.

Once you eat, there are papers you have to get and people you have to talk with when all you want to do is go back to bed. You’ll have to go to the council building when you remember that that place is there. The place that makes it possible to see him for just a few minutes thanks to the psychics there.

You know where it is. It’s close to the council building, it wouldn’t take that long to go there and see him for a few minutes. A few minutes, that’s all you need to see his face again. You want to see his smile again, hear his laugh, and tell you that things are going to work out. There are so many things you want to tell him like how Seth is working on things and there’s a chance he’ll go back to school next year. That Bernard is still sorry, even though you’ve forgiven him many times, and Daisuke has been a great help. Your families are working together and you have more help than you ever expected.

There are things you want to tell him, but you know there will be an annoying thought in the back of your mind that you won’t be able to join him for a long time.

You don’t want to admit the tempting thoughts of joining him in the Second Great Plane when things become too much. You almost did it in the bathtub and didn’t notice. You could do it again, but you won’t. Seth already lost his father you don’t want to make his life any harder. Daisuke would probably ask one of the Guides to get your spirit and drag it back to your body. Then there’s your parents, brothers, and friends who wouldn’t forgive themselves. You could only imagine what Bernard would do if you went through with it.

Then there’s the thought in the back of your mind that lets you know you have more things to do. You have to see Seth grow up and you want to spend time with your family. There are the friends you want to get back in contact with and there’s a sweater in the back of your closest that you want to finish one day.

You conclude that you can’t join him just yet because you have too many things to do. It may hurt that you’ll have to do them without him, but that’s the way things are. With your mind made up you’re able to grab the papers and go to the council building. During your walk you see the place, but you keep walking. You’ll go to the bakery instead and picked up some sweets. You know Seth will like that.

Still, it hurts that the only time you’ll see your mate is in your dreams.

It will have to do for now.
 

Comments

[peaked]

The sense of sadness is palpable through all of this from start to end. I had thought that maybe there'd be a turn around, but it's good to see that there's still a long way to go for Claire before she can really feel something positive. There are little moments weaved throughout this that show that there's some positive, hopeful things for her, but that, maybe, they're currently outweighed with the negative for reasons that include needing to work to get to the good things, like seeing Seth. It was good to see that there still was a little spark of hope at the end of this.

[blossomdreams]

It always made me a bit antsy when someone got over their sadness in a day or two. I'm glad I was able to show that Claire has a long way to go before she's even close to being herself. Claire wants to hold on to those things, but it's hard for her to at the moment. She may be sad, but there's a little spark of hope in her heart and I'm happy I showed that. :)

Thanks for reading!

[shipwreck_light]

Welcome back!

This is so melancholy, the longing working its way through the whole story as a refrain, but it's so determined! I found it inspiring in a way.

Thank you for posting.

[blossomdreams]

Thanks! Feels good to be back. :)

Aww ^///^ Thanks Claire is trying really hard even though she's really sad.

Thank you for reading. :)

[bookblather]

Oh, man, the severe depression here just cuts. Lovely.

[blossomdreams]

Yeah I feel for poor Claire she has a long way to go.

Thanks for reading. :)