The Autumn Child (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sharpeningthebones) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
rainbowfic2013-09-26 05:18 am
sharpeningthebones) wrote in rainbowfic2013-09-26 05:18 am
Entry tags:
halloween Orange
Name: Mallory
Story: None
Colors: Halloween orange: I'm all alone and I think someone left me
Rating: PG-13 for sex but it's not graphic
Warnings: I am pretty sure there are consent issues here..
Word count; 611
Notes: This started as a re-write on an older piece, then turned into a meditation on memory, then turned into...I don't even know.
Remember, remember, remember.
Say it three times and it stays in your mind. Say it three times and it's true.
This is how he wants the world to work, this is what he wants to believe. It’s not how things go though,this isn't how the world works.
Because memory is unreliable, memory is fleeting. Memory is tricky and skittish and flies faster and further away than any bird.
He knows this, knows it as he looks at the window, watching the sun, that he won’t be recalling this later. That it won’t be a fond thought that he looks back on. He isn't give that option. He doesn't get that choice.
Instead he gets the present. He gets to live in the moment. He is unburdened by his mistakes and his past actions. He doesn't know what fear is because he forgets to be afraid.
And yet he’s doomed. Bound by his forgotten mistakes to repeat them over and over gain.
he will never learn, never grow, never remember what it was like.
Every time will be his first. Every sunrise the beginning of his life.
And he will be the eternal child, ever curious, always learning. He will learn the rules and then forget them, tread the same paths he’s taken unless someone tells him otherwise.
He is doomed but it’s a peaceful sort of thing. He won’t renumber that he’s done any of it before, won’t realize he’s trapped.
And maybe that’s said, maybe that’s heartbreaking and yet, at the same time, he will never recall what heartbreak really feels like.
He is forever young, forever forgetting, forever wondering if this is the day he will remember his name.
~
You know he'll never remember you, know he won't keep your face in his memory for later.
Maybe that's why you talked him into bringing you back to the shabby little apartment he stays in. Maybe that's why you're kissing him on the couch.
You need someone to forget you, to not hold you accountable for your mistakes. It is more than just wanting anonymous sex, you could get that easily. it's knowing you'll never be remembered, that you can do anything and in a few hours, days, weeks, you'll be nothing more than dust in the wind.
It sounds so nice when you think about it, being nothing, being nothing more than particles getting lost in the sea of the world. It's what you think about when you kiss him, when your teeth sink into his lower lip and you draw blood.
he whines underneath you but he doesn't pull away and you can tell he likes it.
He's not as innocent as you perceive, not as candy sweet and safe. When you get in bed with him, he growls, you fight as much as you fuck.
It's strange, not what you'd expected out of the sweet, shy, forgetting man that you'd met. BIt works though, it is what you needed and you don't complain.
Afterward, when everything is said and done and you've put your clothes back on., you tell him you'll be back in a moment.
Then you walk out of the room and his life, hoping you'll never see him again.
~
Remember, remember, remember.
His lips taste like blood, his body aching with scratches and sore muscles. He wonders briefly what happened, if he got into a fight, and then decides that it doesn't mater.
It felt like he was waiting for someone but he can't recall who, can't place his finger on why the feeling nags at him.
So instead he closes his eyes, nests in his pillows and waits for another first sunrise.
Story: None
Colors: Halloween orange: I'm all alone and I think someone left me
Rating: PG-13 for sex but it's not graphic
Warnings: I am pretty sure there are consent issues here..
Word count; 611
Notes: This started as a re-write on an older piece, then turned into a meditation on memory, then turned into...I don't even know.
Remember, remember, remember.
Say it three times and it stays in your mind. Say it three times and it's true.
This is how he wants the world to work, this is what he wants to believe. It’s not how things go though,this isn't how the world works.
Because memory is unreliable, memory is fleeting. Memory is tricky and skittish and flies faster and further away than any bird.
He knows this, knows it as he looks at the window, watching the sun, that he won’t be recalling this later. That it won’t be a fond thought that he looks back on. He isn't give that option. He doesn't get that choice.
Instead he gets the present. He gets to live in the moment. He is unburdened by his mistakes and his past actions. He doesn't know what fear is because he forgets to be afraid.
And yet he’s doomed. Bound by his forgotten mistakes to repeat them over and over gain.
he will never learn, never grow, never remember what it was like.
Every time will be his first. Every sunrise the beginning of his life.
And he will be the eternal child, ever curious, always learning. He will learn the rules and then forget them, tread the same paths he’s taken unless someone tells him otherwise.
He is doomed but it’s a peaceful sort of thing. He won’t renumber that he’s done any of it before, won’t realize he’s trapped.
And maybe that’s said, maybe that’s heartbreaking and yet, at the same time, he will never recall what heartbreak really feels like.
He is forever young, forever forgetting, forever wondering if this is the day he will remember his name.
~
You know he'll never remember you, know he won't keep your face in his memory for later.
Maybe that's why you talked him into bringing you back to the shabby little apartment he stays in. Maybe that's why you're kissing him on the couch.
You need someone to forget you, to not hold you accountable for your mistakes. It is more than just wanting anonymous sex, you could get that easily. it's knowing you'll never be remembered, that you can do anything and in a few hours, days, weeks, you'll be nothing more than dust in the wind.
It sounds so nice when you think about it, being nothing, being nothing more than particles getting lost in the sea of the world. It's what you think about when you kiss him, when your teeth sink into his lower lip and you draw blood.
he whines underneath you but he doesn't pull away and you can tell he likes it.
He's not as innocent as you perceive, not as candy sweet and safe. When you get in bed with him, he growls, you fight as much as you fuck.
It's strange, not what you'd expected out of the sweet, shy, forgetting man that you'd met. BIt works though, it is what you needed and you don't complain.
Afterward, when everything is said and done and you've put your clothes back on., you tell him you'll be back in a moment.
Then you walk out of the room and his life, hoping you'll never see him again.
~
Remember, remember, remember.
His lips taste like blood, his body aching with scratches and sore muscles. He wonders briefly what happened, if he got into a fight, and then decides that it doesn't mater.
It felt like he was waiting for someone but he can't recall who, can't place his finger on why the feeling nags at him.
So instead he closes his eyes, nests in his pillows and waits for another first sunrise.
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I love playing with memory. It makes me happy. I find it terribly interesting as well and being able to explore it through fiction is really quite nice.
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Yeah, it was really interesting to work on this. I liked how it came out though and I am pleased it seems to work with other people too.
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It's intruiging really. And I love it! ^^
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Hee spins Thank you so much.