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rainbowfic2013-03-07 11:35 pm
dark_kana) wrote in rainbowfic2013-03-07 11:35 pm
Alice Blue 8 - Feathers - Fingerpainting - Eraser
Name: Kana
Title: Talking
Story: Circle never ends
Characters: Freya, Nick
Colors: Alice Blue 8 Curiouser & Curiouser
Supplies and Styles: Feathers (http://www.flickr.com/photos/fred_vr/8114060345/) – Fingerpainting - eraser
Word count: 1062
Rating: PG13
Notes: Constructive criticism is, as always, welcome
“Freya? What’s wrong?”
Surprised she turns her head to look at him again. Not having noticed he has been watching her for a while already. Not having realized she has been silent for minutes already. Silent and avoiding him.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
Of course she can read the disbelieve on his face and of course she has heard the concern in his voice.
“Don’t lie to me girl. Please…”
For a second her eyes widen before she closes them again. Sighing softly and nodding once, as if admitting defeat.
“I’m just… I’m having a hard time for the moment. That’s all…”
Freya tries to smile reassuringly. Knows she’s failing and she looks away again. Faces the wall instead of his eyes.
Another silence. Another one that lasts some minutes.
Nick knows she’s searching for words. Her words. Any words…
Until she shakes her head. Trying to tell him she can’t talk about it. It only takes him another minute to decide his next words.
“I got your note…”
Her eyes open wide and she backs away from him. Nearly crawling into the corner of her couch. Pulling up her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees. Hiding.
It has been weeks ago. Weeks since she slipped that note in his bag. And not once has he said anything about it. Not once has he given any indication that he has found it and read it. And yet now… Now of all times…
“Is that what is troubling you so? Is it me?”
She nods. Once. Still too shocked to object. Too shocked that she forgets to think about her words. Too shocked that she forgets she has no words…
“Of course it is you Nick. What had you expected? After our talk. After…”
Shaking her head. Not wanting to continue that trail of thought.
“We talked about this. You know everything I feel and everything I want. And I know what you cannot give me.”
He inches a little closer, letting his hand rest on her knee. A comforting gesture.
“If you want to talk about it. Again. You know you can. You know…”
Freya nods once. It makes him stop midsentence. She shakes her head immediately after it.
“You know I won’t be able to find the words. The right words. I cannot voice everything that is inside. Everything I feel or want to say or ask. There are no words to describe this turmoil inside. Not even I understand everything… Besides, there will be lots of silences and I… Honest, what more is there to say?”
She bites her lip. Only a little surprised when she tastes some blood. Her lips were already cracked.
“And you know my answer to that. No matter if you repeat yourself. Even if you say exactly the same things as our previous conversation. If you want to talk, you can…”
A deep sigh. And Nick knows it has nothing to do with his words. Knows it is about her feelings and her doubts and even her fears.
“It’s just not fair.”
The softest of whispers and for a second Nick doubts if he heard correctly. But then she continues.
“It’s so unfair. Why… God Nick, why can’t you just love me?”
There are tears shimmering in her eyes, and he sees it. She quickly goes on when she sees him getting ready to reply.
“I just… I just want to be loved. To be kissed and held and caressed. To fall asleep in someone’s arms and to wake up next to someone. I’m afraid to be alone. To stay alone. I… I just want someone to love me. No… I just want you to love me. And…”
For the first time she looks straight into his eyes.
“Give me a chance? Me. Us. Please…”
Her voice is pleading but she doesn’t look away. Not yet. For a moment tired of hiding and running away. For a moment brave enough to face him.
“Freya…”
There is sadness in his voice. Pity even. It makes her shake her head.
“I still think we’d do great… And… Fuck it Nick!”
The tears are escaping and she sobs softly while angrily brushing them away.
“I just want…”
She snaps her mouth shut. Almost covering it with her hands.
“Go on.”
His gentle voice. Calm and soft. Comforting and reassuring.
“I just want to be kissed by you. Loved by you. I want you to make love to me…”
The last words are whispered and she’s blushing like mad. And this time it are his eyes that open wide. Shocked. He might have guessed it but he never thought she’d actually dare to voice it.
He can see it in her eyes though. How she wants to take back the words. Can see how much she loves him. Wants him. How much she actually means it all. Can see how scared she is. For another rejection, for more pain, for being alone and unloved, for losing the friendship and the bond they have now, for losing him.
She turns her head away. Not able to hold his gaze any longer. The silence – his silence – is killing her.
“Sorry. I should not have said that. I…”
His hand on her shoulder makes her stop. It doesn’t make her look at him again though.
“Don’t. Please. Just don’t say anything and…”
Once again she stops when she feels his hand gently squeezing her shoulder. Still not looking up.
“Please go. Please, just… Just go…”
The tears are freely falling down and she does nothing to hide them.
“Freya…”
His voice is full of concern and worry and begging her to look at him.
She shakes her head, sobbing another “Please go”.
Burying her face into her hands. Not reacting when she hears him walk away and open the front door of her apartment. Shivering when she hears the door fall back in its lock.
“Damn it!”
She wraps her arms around her, rocking back and forth, not bothering to brush the tears away. She feels broken and empty and she knows nothing can make it better for the moment.
Title: Talking
Story: Circle never ends
Characters: Freya, Nick
Colors: Alice Blue 8 Curiouser & Curiouser
Supplies and Styles: Feathers (http://www.flickr.com/photos/fred_vr/8114060345/) – Fingerpainting - eraser
Word count: 1062
Rating: PG13
Notes: Constructive criticism is, as always, welcome
“Freya? What’s wrong?”
Surprised she turns her head to look at him again. Not having noticed he has been watching her for a while already. Not having realized she has been silent for minutes already. Silent and avoiding him.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
Of course she can read the disbelieve on his face and of course she has heard the concern in his voice.
“Don’t lie to me girl. Please…”
For a second her eyes widen before she closes them again. Sighing softly and nodding once, as if admitting defeat.
“I’m just… I’m having a hard time for the moment. That’s all…”
Freya tries to smile reassuringly. Knows she’s failing and she looks away again. Faces the wall instead of his eyes.
Another silence. Another one that lasts some minutes.
Nick knows she’s searching for words. Her words. Any words…
Until she shakes her head. Trying to tell him she can’t talk about it. It only takes him another minute to decide his next words.
“I got your note…”
Her eyes open wide and she backs away from him. Nearly crawling into the corner of her couch. Pulling up her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees. Hiding.
It has been weeks ago. Weeks since she slipped that note in his bag. And not once has he said anything about it. Not once has he given any indication that he has found it and read it. And yet now… Now of all times…
“Is that what is troubling you so? Is it me?”
She nods. Once. Still too shocked to object. Too shocked that she forgets to think about her words. Too shocked that she forgets she has no words…
“Of course it is you Nick. What had you expected? After our talk. After…”
Shaking her head. Not wanting to continue that trail of thought.
“We talked about this. You know everything I feel and everything I want. And I know what you cannot give me.”
He inches a little closer, letting his hand rest on her knee. A comforting gesture.
“If you want to talk about it. Again. You know you can. You know…”
Freya nods once. It makes him stop midsentence. She shakes her head immediately after it.
“You know I won’t be able to find the words. The right words. I cannot voice everything that is inside. Everything I feel or want to say or ask. There are no words to describe this turmoil inside. Not even I understand everything… Besides, there will be lots of silences and I… Honest, what more is there to say?”
She bites her lip. Only a little surprised when she tastes some blood. Her lips were already cracked.
“And you know my answer to that. No matter if you repeat yourself. Even if you say exactly the same things as our previous conversation. If you want to talk, you can…”
A deep sigh. And Nick knows it has nothing to do with his words. Knows it is about her feelings and her doubts and even her fears.
“It’s just not fair.”
The softest of whispers and for a second Nick doubts if he heard correctly. But then she continues.
“It’s so unfair. Why… God Nick, why can’t you just love me?”
There are tears shimmering in her eyes, and he sees it. She quickly goes on when she sees him getting ready to reply.
“I just… I just want to be loved. To be kissed and held and caressed. To fall asleep in someone’s arms and to wake up next to someone. I’m afraid to be alone. To stay alone. I… I just want someone to love me. No… I just want you to love me. And…”
For the first time she looks straight into his eyes.
“Give me a chance? Me. Us. Please…”
Her voice is pleading but she doesn’t look away. Not yet. For a moment tired of hiding and running away. For a moment brave enough to face him.
“Freya…”
There is sadness in his voice. Pity even. It makes her shake her head.
“I still think we’d do great… And… Fuck it Nick!”
The tears are escaping and she sobs softly while angrily brushing them away.
“I just want…”
She snaps her mouth shut. Almost covering it with her hands.
“Go on.”
His gentle voice. Calm and soft. Comforting and reassuring.
“I just want to be kissed by you. Loved by you. I want you to make love to me…”
The last words are whispered and she’s blushing like mad. And this time it are his eyes that open wide. Shocked. He might have guessed it but he never thought she’d actually dare to voice it.
He can see it in her eyes though. How she wants to take back the words. Can see how much she loves him. Wants him. How much she actually means it all. Can see how scared she is. For another rejection, for more pain, for being alone and unloved, for losing the friendship and the bond they have now, for losing him.
She turns her head away. Not able to hold his gaze any longer. The silence – his silence – is killing her.
“Sorry. I should not have said that. I…”
His hand on her shoulder makes her stop. It doesn’t make her look at him again though.
“Don’t. Please. Just don’t say anything and…”
Once again she stops when she feels his hand gently squeezing her shoulder. Still not looking up.
“Please go. Please, just… Just go…”
The tears are freely falling down and she does nothing to hide them.
“Freya…”
His voice is full of concern and worry and begging her to look at him.
She shakes her head, sobbing another “Please go”.
Burying her face into her hands. Not reacting when she hears him walk away and open the front door of her apartment. Shivering when she hears the door fall back in its lock.
“Damn it!”
She wraps her arms around her, rocking back and forth, not bothering to brush the tears away. She feels broken and empty and she knows nothing can make it better for the moment.
no subject
Oh! but no! He should've hugged her before he left to let her know nothing has changed. Nothing has changed right? All the same, it's very courageous of Freya to let him know what she's thinking.
no subject
But nothing has changed.
no subject
no subject
You have been in Nick's place? That's not easy... How did you deal with it? If I may ask...
no subject
I wound up leaning on my BFF a lot, because, well, she's my BFF, and also she's magic, so she made me feel better and handle the whole situation better than I would have otherwise.