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rainbowfic2012-12-02 09:48 pm
dark_kana) wrote in rainbowfic2012-12-02 09:48 pm
Camouflage Green Saturation
Name: Kana
Story: Circle Never Ends
Characters: Freya, Nick
Colors: Camouflage Green
Supplies and Styles: Saturation, Eraser, Acrylic (You won), Oils (Rub it in), Modeling Clay (Melancholy), Chalk (http://slideshow.nbcnews.com/slideshow/news/the-week-in-pictures-nov-22-29-50012595/ 4th picture), Novelty Beads ("But ye gotta know where ye're just gonna rush in. Ye cannae just rush in anywhere. It looks bad, havin' to rush out again straight awa'." - Terry Pratchett) - Graffiti
Word count: 4619
Rating: PG13
Notes: Constructive criticism is, as always, welcome
Can I have a Camouflage Green tag please. ^^
1. army
"You what?"
She has to fight back the smile that threatens to appear on her lips. It would come across so wrongly. But his reaction is just what she predicted.
"I'm joining the army."
Her voice is steady and calm, despite the turmoil of feelings deep inside. She looks at him across the table. Leaning back in her chair. Trying to make it look as if she's completely at ease.
Nick's eyes are wide open. A look of shock on his face. It's a feeling she understands all too well. After all, she never mentioned this before. She never told him of her plans. Didn't tell him she did all the tests again. Didn't tell him she passed and is allowed to start Monday.
Monday... It's Saturday now.
"But... Why?"
There is a desperate edge in his voice and a pleading look is his eyes.
"Because that is what I want to do. You know I've been in training years ago. You know I have my rank. You know I only quit because of one injury."
He nods. Closing his eyes for a second and taking a deep breath.
"But if you love that life so much. If it is what you really want to do. Why didn't you go back when you were healed? That injury was years ago..."
Freya looks away. Can't keep his gaze. Not now. Not about this. The answer is simple.Because of you. But she'd never tell him that. It's too complicated. It has become too complicated.
"Because there were some things I had to sort out first."
She flinches when she feels his hand on hers. Warm touch. And for a moment she feels trapped. Utterly trapped with no means to escape.
"So, you've made up your mind then?"
She nods. Sees the hurt on Nick's face.
"Will you be happy?"
Her eyes narrow for a second. "It has always been my life. I have always loved it. Yes, I will be happy to be back there."
She stands up. He quickly mirrors her action. "I've got to go home."
They walk outside in silence. For once not a comfortable one.
"When do you start again? When will you leave?"
It's the question she actually dreaded the most.
"I start Monday. I leave tomorrow afternoon."
He stands dead-still and she stops walking as well. Looking back to him.
"So soon... Freya..."
She shakes her head. Making sure he does not continue. She knows what's going through him right now. Knows what he wants to say and ask. Knows she will not be able to refuse if he does.
"Yes, so soon. Sorry I didn't have the chance to tell you earlier."
Walking back over to him. Ignoring his pleading eyes. Her hand on his shoulder, a light touch. Quickly she tiptoes, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, before walking away. Not to look back...
9. attack
She shivers when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Her breathing ragged and irregular, her heart beating wildly in her chest.
Closing her eyes, Freya tries to get herself back under control. The dream was a silent attack. One she hadn't expected... It was all the more powerful because she hadn't seen it coming.
Walking back over to him. Ignoring his pleading eyes. Her hand on his shoulder, a light touch. Quickly she tiptoes, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, before walking away. She isn't planning on looking back. Knows her resolve will fade away if she does.
She's nearly at the end of the street when she feels his hand around her wrist. Carefully he turns her around. And before she can react, his other hand moves to her cheek, tilting her head a little. Just a moment later his lips find hers.
Freya tenses when he kisses her and feels how his hand lets go of her wrist so his arm can circle around her waist. The hand on her cheek slowly moves to the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair. She moans when he asks for entrance. Shivers when their tongues meet and battle. The kiss intensifies and she relaxes in his embrace. Her arms moving up on their own accord, wrapping themselves around his shoulders. Clinging to him. Desperately.
"God Nick..."
She surprises him (and herself as well) when they so clearly hear the want and the need in her voice.
Even with her eyes open, she can still see the look on his face. Even when he's not here, she can still feel his mouth on hers.
There are tears running down her cheeks and she takes the pillow in her arms, hugging it as if it would be able to comfort her. Wrapping the blankets around her again, trying to banish him from her thoughts, knowing she'll never succeed.
2. navy
She didn't tell him how and when she left. Sunday afternoon, alright. But not the exact time or the way of transport. He never asked either. And yet she can't help but scan the entire quay for a glimpse of him. Knowing she'll never catch it.
"M'am."
Freya looks aside. Meeting the steady gaze of the soldier.
"We're about to leave m'am. The Admiral asks if you could join him and the other officers in the meeting room."
"Tell him I'll be right there."
Turning her eyes back to the quay, ignoring the fact that the soldier stays staring at her a couple of seconds too long before leaving to deliver her message. Smiling she shakes her head, knowing exactly what is going on in his mind. After all, she's not in uniform and she shows no signs that she is an officer. And still the Admiral himself asks for her presence...
She casts one last look at the crowd when the ship starts to move itself from the quay.
"Goodbye Nick."
Determined she turns and walks to the meeting room. Turning her back to the country feels as if she's closing a chapter of her life. And perhaps she does indeed...
7. special forces
No one notices her, sitting in the corner of the cantina. A glass of water on the table in front of her. She's partly hidden in the shadows. Clear eyes observing everything that happens around her. Noticing details has always been one of her strongest points. Perhaps that is why she does what she does; why she is what she is. She has never been just in the army. She is no mere soldier. No mere officer. They give her the missions no one else does. The missions no one else can... In her job, it is useful to notice everything, no matter how insignificant a detail may seem. In her job, it is life-saving to be invisible.
"Has anyone already seen that new woman they burden us with? Has she even arrived already?"
Only one of the men present in the room has seen her. Only one. And that is just because he is the same. Because they have served together before. Because they know each other.
"She has already arrived."
Everybody looks at Liam in surprise. His calm and silent words making everyone shut up.
"What's more, Rob."
His steel blue eyes locking on the guy who had posed the questions.
"She's present in the room. So next time, take a close look around before insulting someone."
Surprised eyes look around. Still not noticing her. It nearly makes Freya and Liam smile. Nearly.
"You're bluffing. She's not here. And I did look around before speaking up."
Liam elegantly raises an eyebrow before shifting his gaze towards the corner. Of course everyone else follows the movement.
"Evening fella's."
The shocked looks on their faces almost gives Freya some satisfaction. It's not as if his words have hurt her though. She's used to mistrust and men thinking she's worth nothing simply because she is a girl...
She stands up and walks over to Liam, setting herself next to him. The stunned silence only broken by her steps.
4. marines
"Yes sir."
There is nothing on his face that betrays how he is feeling when receiving his orders. Standing tall, saluting perfectly, and yet wondering what the hell is going on and if the high bosses have lost their minds.
Without another word, just a gesture from the Admiral, he walks out of the office.
"Hey Walter. How are you doing?"
Liam raises his eyebrows when he sees the look on his friend's face.
"What's the matter?"
"I have to escort a female soldier to one god forgotten place so she can deliver a message to a god forgotten person so our bosses can sleep peacefully."
He throws his hands in the air. A desperate motion. And if the situation wasn't so delicately serious, Liam would have laughed.
"I'm a marine for heaven's sake. Not a delivery boy."
Liam places his hand on the other one's shoulder. The touch is nothing like his gentle self. A firm grip and his fingers digging in the man's flesh.
"She'll need you by her side. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can just walk in and out of the place like that. There will be trouble. Lots of it. And believe me."
He pauses for a second, taking a deep breath and narrowing his eyes.
"You'll be lucky if the both of you make it out of there alive."
Liam knows what is going on in Walter's mind right now. Knows his friend will never say his thoughts out loud though. So he does.
"Don't worry about her. I think she has the biggest chance of survival if I have to place a bet."
Walter's eyes widen when he sees Liam is serious. It tells him all he needs to knows.
"Freya is back?"
And this time Liam does smile.
13. Battle
Walter salutes when Freya arrives on board. His smile perfectly honest. It makes his fellow marines wonder what has gotten into him.
"Hey Walter. You alright?"
He winks when he lowers his arm and nods. Knows the others will reprimand him for it later.
"Yes, all fine. How about you m'am?"
He laughs when he sees Freya roll her eyes.
"Honest Walter. How long have we known each other? How many missions have we run together? Don't call me 'mam. Call me Freya."
Walter smiles but she sees him turning serious again.
"Sorry m'am. You know I can't."
Freya sighs and resists the urge to put her hand on his shoulder. The gesture would not be appreciated.
"Stupid rules."
A soft whisper under her breath before she smiles at him. Nodding.
"Alright Walter. Fair enough."
He smiles apologetically. Having heard her words well enough.
"Now, bring me to that god forgotten place."
She laughs when she sees the shocked look on his face. He never realized she was there in the hallway when he was talking to Liam.
Without another word she walks to her cabin. Preparing herself for the mission. Knowing Walter will join her once they are at open sea.
10. Retreat
She yanks Walter behind the house. Taking cover from the bullets.
"Shit."
His curse expresses exactly the situation they are in.
They look at each other, their own guns drawn and ready to shoot.
"What are our chances?"
Freya laughs - a bit desperate - and shakes her head.
"If your fellow marines do their job, we might just make it."
There is a strong conviction in Walter's eyes when he replies that 'of course they will do their job.'
Smiling Freya nods, flinching when a bullet hits the wall. A little too close.
"Time to go."
12. weapons
Without a word Freya sets herself down next to Liam. The cantina deserted but for the two of them. For a couple of minutes she watches how he cleans his guns. Before she takes out her knives. There is one strapped on her leg. One on her arm. And one hidden on her belt.
Liam does not look up when she places them on the table and starts sharpening and cleaning them. She notices the small smile on his lips though.
"Why do you have so many knives when you never use them?"
He brings the gun up, eyes narrowing when looking at it.
"You always use your gun. I've never seen you draw a knife."
Freya shakes her head and takes a deep breath. Not breaking the silence after his question for a couple of seconds longer.
"It's something from years back. My second mission. We went in to save some of our soldiers out of a hostile camp. My gun blocked and there was a guy coming straight for me. I swear I can still feel his hands around my throat."
She shivers when she remembers that night. It still gives her nightmares sometimes.
"I... panicked. There was nothing I could do. No matter the self-defense and fighting trainings we received. Someone of our team pulled the man off me and handed me a knife. Watching the shining steel blade... It made me feel safe."
Liam nods when he pockets his gun again.
"Did you ever need to use them?"
Turning his eyes on her, watching how she sharpens the last knife.
"No. And I hope to keep it that way."
Her friend laughs when he gently pats her back.
"Something entirely different, but... Have you spoken to him again?"
He feels Freya tense.
"I guess that is a 'no'. Freya..."
His voice nearly sounds pleading.
"You have to answer his calls. Just... Please, just answer him when he calls you next time. It's been half a year already."
She shakes her head. Clenching her hands to fists.
"How can I? How can I Liam? After what I did? After all the ignored calls?"
Her words are mere whispers. She's grateful for the empty cantina.
"He'll understand. From what you told me about him, I'm sure he'll understand."
Once again Freya shakes her head. "I never told you about the last message, did I?"
She doesn't dare looking in Liam's eyes when she goes on.
"He's angry. So angry. I'm not sure he'll ever call me again. I'm not sure he wants to hear me ever again..."
Taking a deep breath, she stands up, walking back to her room. And yet she wants nothing more but to get a hug and Liam reassuring her it will be alright between her and Nick.
11. sealed orders
Carefully she folds the papers she received. Eyes narrowed in anger. She wonders how the hell they can expect that of her. Of the men joining her. It's a suicide mission. And they fucking know it. She's certain of it.
A knock on the door nearly makes her jump. It doesn't happen often that someone manages to surprise her. It means she let her guard down.
Cursing under her breath before standing up. Putting the mission files in the top drawer of her desk. The one she can lock.
Another knock on the door.
"Coming coming. Impatient one..."
The last part is whispered so that only she can hear it.
"Hello Liam."
She steps aside to let him in her room. Relieved to discover it is him and not one of the other officers. She isn't in the mood for a talk with anyone else. Certainly not with the ones who just gave here these orders.
Of course Liam notices she's annoyed, angry even.
"Care to talk about it?"
Freya shakes her head. "I can't. You know I can't."
They both know there is nothing more she wants but to rant to him about it. They both know she will not.
Sighing she places the key to the top drawer of her desk on the table. Knowing Liam saw the movement. Knowing he understands what she is asking without words.
"Can I get you a drink?"
She smiles when Liam asks for coffee. Oh yes, he definitely understands.
"I'll go get two cups in the cantina. It's one of the only things I don't have here. Feel free to take something to read."
Her hand make a sweeping motion, indicating the entire room. After all, there are books everywhere.
When she arrives back into her room ten minutes later, the key is still lying on the exact same place as she left it and Liam is effectively reading a book.
He looks up and puts the book down on the table when she hands him the cup.
"So, just a social call or was there a specific reason you passed by?"
Liam smiles but she can see the obvious strain in it. "No reason. Except perhaps the fact I saw you leave the Admiral's office. And you hitting the wall. I wanted to see if I could help you."
She shakes her head. "Damn, I didn't sense you..."
It makes him laugh and he places his hand on her shoulder.
"Of course you didn't. You were way too angry. And I know how to conceal my presence. You of all people should know."
Freya smiles sadly. "Yeah, I know."
They sit in silence, enjoying the hot beverage. They don't need words. Don't need to speak. Not now. Not about this.
"Thanks for the drink Freya."
"Thanks for the company Liam."
He hugs her when he stands up. "I've got your back girl. You're not alone."
Quickly she places two fingers against his lips. It's too dangerous. Yet secretly she is very grateful for his words. Knowing he will be there with her, despite the sealed orders.
3. air force
The sound of the motors of the plane is deafening. She looks aside. There are only four of them. Three volunteers - Liam, Rob and Sam. They left the others home. Changed the hour of depart so no one of the officers would notice it. The other soldiers will never tell either. They know the meaning of the words loyalty and gratitude.
She looks at Liam, sitting opposite of her. His eyes are closed and she knows what he is doing. It's something she should do as well.
Sighing softly Freya also closes her eyes. Reaching inside until she finds that one place. The place filled with tranquility. And despite the fear and uncertainty for the mission, despite the anger she still has bottled up inside, she can feel herself relax a little. She'll need it for the upcoming mission. She'll only bring the others in danger, if she lets all the other emotions control her actions.
5. praise the lord and pass the ammo
An explosion quite near them makes them all tense. Afraid their cover has been destroyed.
Looking aside Freya sees one of the volunteers - Sam - take a firm grip on his riffle. Sees how he shifts his position in the mud a little so he can jump up within a second.
She's too far away from him to do anything though. And talking is no option at all.
Relieved she sees how Liam places his hand on the barrel of the gun. Eyes still gazing in front of him - not allowing himself to get distracted from their goal - but still having noticed the possible danger of a soldier moving too soon.
Another explosion. Still close. But not directed towards them. Still safe.
A soft, relieved, sigh escapes Freya's lips and she knows the feeling is the same with everyone.
Her eyes lock with Rob's and she nods once. Carefully and without making a sound, he crawls back a little. Reaching inside of the bag he is carrying before making his way over to Liam. Handing him the grenade.
It's a look of mutual understanding that crosses between Freya and Liam in the few precious seconds before the grenades are thrown towards the enemy. And a message. One Freya will finally listen to after being back in the force for nearly a year already.
14. armistice
Freya is looking at her cell phone. She still knows his number by heart. Of course she does. How many times hasn't she typed it and then deleted it again? How many times hasn't she wanted to call him and eventually got to scared and didn't dial the number.
She looks aside, at the picture she put on her desk the moment she arrived here. A picture of the both of them. In the park. Last summer. Smiling. Their arms around each other. Friends. Always a bit more to her.
Closing her eyes she presses the dial button. She bites her lower lip when she brings her phone to her ear. Needing every inch of self control not to hang up again.
He picks up after only three rings. And it is a silence that greets her. No 'hello'. No 'yes'. Nothing.
"Nick...?"
She hates how her voice trembles.
"Freya."
No question. No welcome greeting. Just the acknowledgment of the fact that she is calling him. The coldness of his voice makes her shiver. Still angry. And she cannot blame him.
For a second she wonders why he picked up his phone. She'd have perfectly understood if he completely ignore her. Like she has done for the past ten months.
"I understand you're angry with me. And I do not expect your forgiveness. But..."
She can hear the sharp intake of breath at the other end of the line.
"I'm sorry. For everything. I really am."
She waits for his reply. But the silence stays and she can hear her own heart thudding in her ears.
"Alright Nick. I understand. I..."
Closing her eyes she fights back the tears. Vaguely she wonders why. It's not like he's able to see them fall.
"I'm truly sorry Nick."
Another deep breath. A soft whispered 'goodbye' before she hangs up.
Wrapping her arms around her shoulders - as if to comfort herself - while the tears escape, rolling down her cheeks. And she does not wipe them away.
She nearly jumps up in surprise when her cell phone beeps again. An incoming text message. Nick.
"Will you answer my calls?"
Through the tears she laughs. Nearly hugging the phone. They are okay. They will be okay again. She wonders if she'd tell him already that she'll be home with Christmas.
15. war wounds
It's a bright light that greets her when she opens her eyes. White walls. White ceiling. It makes her grunt. Not only because it hurts her eyes. But also because she knows, immediately, what it means.
She looks aside, shivering when she sees the monitor that is connected to her body with so many wires. Freya closes her eyes again. Taking a couple of deep breaths to prevent her from ripping everything out of her.
"Freya?"
Liam's scared voice. At her other side. It almost makes her smile. Even in here he conceals his presence.
"What happened Liam?"
She doesn't open her eyes. Not yet. Prefers the darkness over the light. And she is scared. Scared to see the look on his face. Scared to see what she looks like.
"The headquarter was under attack. You got caught in a blast."
Freya hears - oh so clearly - what he isn't saying. You are lucky to still be alive...
6. d-day
She's still limping when she is allowed to go home.
Home... The thought makes her snort softly. She hasn't been in the house for a year. Hasn't thought of it as home. Home was at the base. Home as with her comrades. Home was... Not here.
Freya fishes the keys out of her pocket, opening the door. Smiling she notices the flowers on the table in the living room. Everything has been cleaned and taken care of. For an entire year. While she was away.
"Thanks mum."
She'll call her later today. But first. First she needs to call him. Needs to... They need to talk. She needs to talk. Needs to see him. Needs to...
She isn’t too proud to admit that she is scared. It’s another kind of fear than the one she has known in the army. And yet, one way or another, it’s the same...
8. medal
Nick looks at the box standing beside the couch. Wonders if she would mind if he takes a look at its content. He looks around, seeing Freya still standing in the kitchen, preparing dinner.
His eyes widen in surprise when he sees the medal glitter when the light falls on it once he opens the box. Careful fingers pick it up, turning it around in his hands. Wondering what she did to have earned it. When he looks back in the box, he notices a couple of leather-bound books. Another glance towards the kitchen before taking one of them out as well. The pages are well-used and it takes but one glance to realize it are diaries. Quickly he puts the book back in the box. It is not his business. Though he is curious... Wants to know what her life is like. What she has to do. What she has done. What she feels and thinks and...
"I meant to throw that medal away."
Her voice is soft behind him and he turns around. A guilty look on his face at getting caught snooping around.
Freya smiles - he can still see the pain in her eyes though - and places a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't worry. I wouldn't have left it standing there if I really didn't want anyone to see it. I must admit though, that I forgot my diaries were in there as well..."
Nick stands up again, facing her. She holds out her hand and he gives her the medal back. Without a word she walks back to the kitchen, throwing it in the garbish bin, before walking back to the living room. She can clearly read the question on his face. For a second doubting if she should tell him. She knows he wants to know about it. Wants to hear about her life in the army. He has asked a couple of times already.
"It's but some stupid metal. It means nothing."
Their eyes lock and she doesn't look away. "If you really want, I'll tell you some about it."
Turning her gaze back to the kitchen - not able to withstand his gaze - before motioning him to set himself at the dinner table.
"Dinner is ready."
He ignores her and walks over to the kitchen, helping her lay out the table.
"But it aren't exactly nice stories. Your opinion about me might change..."
Nick shakes his head. It doesn't reassure Freya though.
She sighs when she sets herself down. Sees how Nick takes place opposite of her. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, before filling both their plates and starting to talk.
"The medal. It was because I went back. Because I saw someone fall behind - hit - and I went back for him. We made it to our camp. Eventually. They took him to the hospital wing and I went to visit him the as soon as I could. He..."
Her voice falters for a second.
"He didn't make it to the end of the day. I saw him die. I held his hand when he passed away. I..."
Freya still hasn't touched her food. Not really hungry anymore.
"The look in his eyes when he saw me entering his room. It means much more to me than the stupid medal."
She stabs her fork in the mashed potatoes. No intention at all to eat it.
Sighing she lays down her cutlery, pushing her plate to the middle of the table.
"What do you want to know?"
Story: Circle Never Ends
Characters: Freya, Nick
Colors: Camouflage Green
Supplies and Styles: Saturation, Eraser, Acrylic (You won), Oils (Rub it in), Modeling Clay (Melancholy), Chalk (http://slideshow.nbcnews.com/slideshow/news/the-week-in-pictures-nov-22-29-50012595/ 4th picture), Novelty Beads ("But ye gotta know where ye're just gonna rush in. Ye cannae just rush in anywhere. It looks bad, havin' to rush out again straight awa'." - Terry Pratchett) - Graffiti
Word count: 4619
Rating: PG13
Notes: Constructive criticism is, as always, welcome
Can I have a Camouflage Green tag please. ^^
1. army
"You what?"
She has to fight back the smile that threatens to appear on her lips. It would come across so wrongly. But his reaction is just what she predicted.
"I'm joining the army."
Her voice is steady and calm, despite the turmoil of feelings deep inside. She looks at him across the table. Leaning back in her chair. Trying to make it look as if she's completely at ease.
Nick's eyes are wide open. A look of shock on his face. It's a feeling she understands all too well. After all, she never mentioned this before. She never told him of her plans. Didn't tell him she did all the tests again. Didn't tell him she passed and is allowed to start Monday.
Monday... It's Saturday now.
"But... Why?"
There is a desperate edge in his voice and a pleading look is his eyes.
"Because that is what I want to do. You know I've been in training years ago. You know I have my rank. You know I only quit because of one injury."
He nods. Closing his eyes for a second and taking a deep breath.
"But if you love that life so much. If it is what you really want to do. Why didn't you go back when you were healed? That injury was years ago..."
Freya looks away. Can't keep his gaze. Not now. Not about this. The answer is simple.Because of you. But she'd never tell him that. It's too complicated. It has become too complicated.
"Because there were some things I had to sort out first."
She flinches when she feels his hand on hers. Warm touch. And for a moment she feels trapped. Utterly trapped with no means to escape.
"So, you've made up your mind then?"
She nods. Sees the hurt on Nick's face.
"Will you be happy?"
Her eyes narrow for a second. "It has always been my life. I have always loved it. Yes, I will be happy to be back there."
She stands up. He quickly mirrors her action. "I've got to go home."
They walk outside in silence. For once not a comfortable one.
"When do you start again? When will you leave?"
It's the question she actually dreaded the most.
"I start Monday. I leave tomorrow afternoon."
He stands dead-still and she stops walking as well. Looking back to him.
"So soon... Freya..."
She shakes her head. Making sure he does not continue. She knows what's going through him right now. Knows what he wants to say and ask. Knows she will not be able to refuse if he does.
"Yes, so soon. Sorry I didn't have the chance to tell you earlier."
Walking back over to him. Ignoring his pleading eyes. Her hand on his shoulder, a light touch. Quickly she tiptoes, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, before walking away. Not to look back...
9. attack
She shivers when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Her breathing ragged and irregular, her heart beating wildly in her chest.
Closing her eyes, Freya tries to get herself back under control. The dream was a silent attack. One she hadn't expected... It was all the more powerful because she hadn't seen it coming.
Walking back over to him. Ignoring his pleading eyes. Her hand on his shoulder, a light touch. Quickly she tiptoes, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, before walking away. She isn't planning on looking back. Knows her resolve will fade away if she does.
She's nearly at the end of the street when she feels his hand around her wrist. Carefully he turns her around. And before she can react, his other hand moves to her cheek, tilting her head a little. Just a moment later his lips find hers.
Freya tenses when he kisses her and feels how his hand lets go of her wrist so his arm can circle around her waist. The hand on her cheek slowly moves to the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair. She moans when he asks for entrance. Shivers when their tongues meet and battle. The kiss intensifies and she relaxes in his embrace. Her arms moving up on their own accord, wrapping themselves around his shoulders. Clinging to him. Desperately.
"God Nick..."
She surprises him (and herself as well) when they so clearly hear the want and the need in her voice.
Even with her eyes open, she can still see the look on his face. Even when he's not here, she can still feel his mouth on hers.
There are tears running down her cheeks and she takes the pillow in her arms, hugging it as if it would be able to comfort her. Wrapping the blankets around her again, trying to banish him from her thoughts, knowing she'll never succeed.
2. navy
She didn't tell him how and when she left. Sunday afternoon, alright. But not the exact time or the way of transport. He never asked either. And yet she can't help but scan the entire quay for a glimpse of him. Knowing she'll never catch it.
"M'am."
Freya looks aside. Meeting the steady gaze of the soldier.
"We're about to leave m'am. The Admiral asks if you could join him and the other officers in the meeting room."
"Tell him I'll be right there."
Turning her eyes back to the quay, ignoring the fact that the soldier stays staring at her a couple of seconds too long before leaving to deliver her message. Smiling she shakes her head, knowing exactly what is going on in his mind. After all, she's not in uniform and she shows no signs that she is an officer. And still the Admiral himself asks for her presence...
She casts one last look at the crowd when the ship starts to move itself from the quay.
"Goodbye Nick."
Determined she turns and walks to the meeting room. Turning her back to the country feels as if she's closing a chapter of her life. And perhaps she does indeed...
7. special forces
No one notices her, sitting in the corner of the cantina. A glass of water on the table in front of her. She's partly hidden in the shadows. Clear eyes observing everything that happens around her. Noticing details has always been one of her strongest points. Perhaps that is why she does what she does; why she is what she is. She has never been just in the army. She is no mere soldier. No mere officer. They give her the missions no one else does. The missions no one else can... In her job, it is useful to notice everything, no matter how insignificant a detail may seem. In her job, it is life-saving to be invisible.
"Has anyone already seen that new woman they burden us with? Has she even arrived already?"
Only one of the men present in the room has seen her. Only one. And that is just because he is the same. Because they have served together before. Because they know each other.
"She has already arrived."
Everybody looks at Liam in surprise. His calm and silent words making everyone shut up.
"What's more, Rob."
His steel blue eyes locking on the guy who had posed the questions.
"She's present in the room. So next time, take a close look around before insulting someone."
Surprised eyes look around. Still not noticing her. It nearly makes Freya and Liam smile. Nearly.
"You're bluffing. She's not here. And I did look around before speaking up."
Liam elegantly raises an eyebrow before shifting his gaze towards the corner. Of course everyone else follows the movement.
"Evening fella's."
The shocked looks on their faces almost gives Freya some satisfaction. It's not as if his words have hurt her though. She's used to mistrust and men thinking she's worth nothing simply because she is a girl...
She stands up and walks over to Liam, setting herself next to him. The stunned silence only broken by her steps.
4. marines
"Yes sir."
There is nothing on his face that betrays how he is feeling when receiving his orders. Standing tall, saluting perfectly, and yet wondering what the hell is going on and if the high bosses have lost their minds.
Without another word, just a gesture from the Admiral, he walks out of the office.
"Hey Walter. How are you doing?"
Liam raises his eyebrows when he sees the look on his friend's face.
"What's the matter?"
"I have to escort a female soldier to one god forgotten place so she can deliver a message to a god forgotten person so our bosses can sleep peacefully."
He throws his hands in the air. A desperate motion. And if the situation wasn't so delicately serious, Liam would have laughed.
"I'm a marine for heaven's sake. Not a delivery boy."
Liam places his hand on the other one's shoulder. The touch is nothing like his gentle self. A firm grip and his fingers digging in the man's flesh.
"She'll need you by her side. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can just walk in and out of the place like that. There will be trouble. Lots of it. And believe me."
He pauses for a second, taking a deep breath and narrowing his eyes.
"You'll be lucky if the both of you make it out of there alive."
Liam knows what is going on in Walter's mind right now. Knows his friend will never say his thoughts out loud though. So he does.
"Don't worry about her. I think she has the biggest chance of survival if I have to place a bet."
Walter's eyes widen when he sees Liam is serious. It tells him all he needs to knows.
"Freya is back?"
And this time Liam does smile.
13. Battle
Walter salutes when Freya arrives on board. His smile perfectly honest. It makes his fellow marines wonder what has gotten into him.
"Hey Walter. You alright?"
He winks when he lowers his arm and nods. Knows the others will reprimand him for it later.
"Yes, all fine. How about you m'am?"
He laughs when he sees Freya roll her eyes.
"Honest Walter. How long have we known each other? How many missions have we run together? Don't call me 'mam. Call me Freya."
Walter smiles but she sees him turning serious again.
"Sorry m'am. You know I can't."
Freya sighs and resists the urge to put her hand on his shoulder. The gesture would not be appreciated.
"Stupid rules."
A soft whisper under her breath before she smiles at him. Nodding.
"Alright Walter. Fair enough."
He smiles apologetically. Having heard her words well enough.
"Now, bring me to that god forgotten place."
She laughs when she sees the shocked look on his face. He never realized she was there in the hallway when he was talking to Liam.
Without another word she walks to her cabin. Preparing herself for the mission. Knowing Walter will join her once they are at open sea.
10. Retreat
She yanks Walter behind the house. Taking cover from the bullets.
"Shit."
His curse expresses exactly the situation they are in.
They look at each other, their own guns drawn and ready to shoot.
"What are our chances?"
Freya laughs - a bit desperate - and shakes her head.
"If your fellow marines do their job, we might just make it."
There is a strong conviction in Walter's eyes when he replies that 'of course they will do their job.'
Smiling Freya nods, flinching when a bullet hits the wall. A little too close.
"Time to go."
12. weapons
Without a word Freya sets herself down next to Liam. The cantina deserted but for the two of them. For a couple of minutes she watches how he cleans his guns. Before she takes out her knives. There is one strapped on her leg. One on her arm. And one hidden on her belt.
Liam does not look up when she places them on the table and starts sharpening and cleaning them. She notices the small smile on his lips though.
"Why do you have so many knives when you never use them?"
He brings the gun up, eyes narrowing when looking at it.
"You always use your gun. I've never seen you draw a knife."
Freya shakes her head and takes a deep breath. Not breaking the silence after his question for a couple of seconds longer.
"It's something from years back. My second mission. We went in to save some of our soldiers out of a hostile camp. My gun blocked and there was a guy coming straight for me. I swear I can still feel his hands around my throat."
She shivers when she remembers that night. It still gives her nightmares sometimes.
"I... panicked. There was nothing I could do. No matter the self-defense and fighting trainings we received. Someone of our team pulled the man off me and handed me a knife. Watching the shining steel blade... It made me feel safe."
Liam nods when he pockets his gun again.
"Did you ever need to use them?"
Turning his eyes on her, watching how she sharpens the last knife.
"No. And I hope to keep it that way."
Her friend laughs when he gently pats her back.
"Something entirely different, but... Have you spoken to him again?"
He feels Freya tense.
"I guess that is a 'no'. Freya..."
His voice nearly sounds pleading.
"You have to answer his calls. Just... Please, just answer him when he calls you next time. It's been half a year already."
She shakes her head. Clenching her hands to fists.
"How can I? How can I Liam? After what I did? After all the ignored calls?"
Her words are mere whispers. She's grateful for the empty cantina.
"He'll understand. From what you told me about him, I'm sure he'll understand."
Once again Freya shakes her head. "I never told you about the last message, did I?"
She doesn't dare looking in Liam's eyes when she goes on.
"He's angry. So angry. I'm not sure he'll ever call me again. I'm not sure he wants to hear me ever again..."
Taking a deep breath, she stands up, walking back to her room. And yet she wants nothing more but to get a hug and Liam reassuring her it will be alright between her and Nick.
11. sealed orders
Carefully she folds the papers she received. Eyes narrowed in anger. She wonders how the hell they can expect that of her. Of the men joining her. It's a suicide mission. And they fucking know it. She's certain of it.
A knock on the door nearly makes her jump. It doesn't happen often that someone manages to surprise her. It means she let her guard down.
Cursing under her breath before standing up. Putting the mission files in the top drawer of her desk. The one she can lock.
Another knock on the door.
"Coming coming. Impatient one..."
The last part is whispered so that only she can hear it.
"Hello Liam."
She steps aside to let him in her room. Relieved to discover it is him and not one of the other officers. She isn't in the mood for a talk with anyone else. Certainly not with the ones who just gave here these orders.
Of course Liam notices she's annoyed, angry even.
"Care to talk about it?"
Freya shakes her head. "I can't. You know I can't."
They both know there is nothing more she wants but to rant to him about it. They both know she will not.
Sighing she places the key to the top drawer of her desk on the table. Knowing Liam saw the movement. Knowing he understands what she is asking without words.
"Can I get you a drink?"
She smiles when Liam asks for coffee. Oh yes, he definitely understands.
"I'll go get two cups in the cantina. It's one of the only things I don't have here. Feel free to take something to read."
Her hand make a sweeping motion, indicating the entire room. After all, there are books everywhere.
When she arrives back into her room ten minutes later, the key is still lying on the exact same place as she left it and Liam is effectively reading a book.
He looks up and puts the book down on the table when she hands him the cup.
"So, just a social call or was there a specific reason you passed by?"
Liam smiles but she can see the obvious strain in it. "No reason. Except perhaps the fact I saw you leave the Admiral's office. And you hitting the wall. I wanted to see if I could help you."
She shakes her head. "Damn, I didn't sense you..."
It makes him laugh and he places his hand on her shoulder.
"Of course you didn't. You were way too angry. And I know how to conceal my presence. You of all people should know."
Freya smiles sadly. "Yeah, I know."
They sit in silence, enjoying the hot beverage. They don't need words. Don't need to speak. Not now. Not about this.
"Thanks for the drink Freya."
"Thanks for the company Liam."
He hugs her when he stands up. "I've got your back girl. You're not alone."
Quickly she places two fingers against his lips. It's too dangerous. Yet secretly she is very grateful for his words. Knowing he will be there with her, despite the sealed orders.
3. air force
The sound of the motors of the plane is deafening. She looks aside. There are only four of them. Three volunteers - Liam, Rob and Sam. They left the others home. Changed the hour of depart so no one of the officers would notice it. The other soldiers will never tell either. They know the meaning of the words loyalty and gratitude.
She looks at Liam, sitting opposite of her. His eyes are closed and she knows what he is doing. It's something she should do as well.
Sighing softly Freya also closes her eyes. Reaching inside until she finds that one place. The place filled with tranquility. And despite the fear and uncertainty for the mission, despite the anger she still has bottled up inside, she can feel herself relax a little. She'll need it for the upcoming mission. She'll only bring the others in danger, if she lets all the other emotions control her actions.
5. praise the lord and pass the ammo
An explosion quite near them makes them all tense. Afraid their cover has been destroyed.
Looking aside Freya sees one of the volunteers - Sam - take a firm grip on his riffle. Sees how he shifts his position in the mud a little so he can jump up within a second.
She's too far away from him to do anything though. And talking is no option at all.
Relieved she sees how Liam places his hand on the barrel of the gun. Eyes still gazing in front of him - not allowing himself to get distracted from their goal - but still having noticed the possible danger of a soldier moving too soon.
Another explosion. Still close. But not directed towards them. Still safe.
A soft, relieved, sigh escapes Freya's lips and she knows the feeling is the same with everyone.
Her eyes lock with Rob's and she nods once. Carefully and without making a sound, he crawls back a little. Reaching inside of the bag he is carrying before making his way over to Liam. Handing him the grenade.
It's a look of mutual understanding that crosses between Freya and Liam in the few precious seconds before the grenades are thrown towards the enemy. And a message. One Freya will finally listen to after being back in the force for nearly a year already.
14. armistice
Freya is looking at her cell phone. She still knows his number by heart. Of course she does. How many times hasn't she typed it and then deleted it again? How many times hasn't she wanted to call him and eventually got to scared and didn't dial the number.
She looks aside, at the picture she put on her desk the moment she arrived here. A picture of the both of them. In the park. Last summer. Smiling. Their arms around each other. Friends. Always a bit more to her.
Closing her eyes she presses the dial button. She bites her lower lip when she brings her phone to her ear. Needing every inch of self control not to hang up again.
He picks up after only three rings. And it is a silence that greets her. No 'hello'. No 'yes'. Nothing.
"Nick...?"
She hates how her voice trembles.
"Freya."
No question. No welcome greeting. Just the acknowledgment of the fact that she is calling him. The coldness of his voice makes her shiver. Still angry. And she cannot blame him.
For a second she wonders why he picked up his phone. She'd have perfectly understood if he completely ignore her. Like she has done for the past ten months.
"I understand you're angry with me. And I do not expect your forgiveness. But..."
She can hear the sharp intake of breath at the other end of the line.
"I'm sorry. For everything. I really am."
She waits for his reply. But the silence stays and she can hear her own heart thudding in her ears.
"Alright Nick. I understand. I..."
Closing her eyes she fights back the tears. Vaguely she wonders why. It's not like he's able to see them fall.
"I'm truly sorry Nick."
Another deep breath. A soft whispered 'goodbye' before she hangs up.
Wrapping her arms around her shoulders - as if to comfort herself - while the tears escape, rolling down her cheeks. And she does not wipe them away.
She nearly jumps up in surprise when her cell phone beeps again. An incoming text message. Nick.
"Will you answer my calls?"
Through the tears she laughs. Nearly hugging the phone. They are okay. They will be okay again. She wonders if she'd tell him already that she'll be home with Christmas.
15. war wounds
It's a bright light that greets her when she opens her eyes. White walls. White ceiling. It makes her grunt. Not only because it hurts her eyes. But also because she knows, immediately, what it means.
She looks aside, shivering when she sees the monitor that is connected to her body with so many wires. Freya closes her eyes again. Taking a couple of deep breaths to prevent her from ripping everything out of her.
"Freya?"
Liam's scared voice. At her other side. It almost makes her smile. Even in here he conceals his presence.
"What happened Liam?"
She doesn't open her eyes. Not yet. Prefers the darkness over the light. And she is scared. Scared to see the look on his face. Scared to see what she looks like.
"The headquarter was under attack. You got caught in a blast."
Freya hears - oh so clearly - what he isn't saying. You are lucky to still be alive...
6. d-day
She's still limping when she is allowed to go home.
Home... The thought makes her snort softly. She hasn't been in the house for a year. Hasn't thought of it as home. Home was at the base. Home as with her comrades. Home was... Not here.
Freya fishes the keys out of her pocket, opening the door. Smiling she notices the flowers on the table in the living room. Everything has been cleaned and taken care of. For an entire year. While she was away.
"Thanks mum."
She'll call her later today. But first. First she needs to call him. Needs to... They need to talk. She needs to talk. Needs to see him. Needs to...
She isn’t too proud to admit that she is scared. It’s another kind of fear than the one she has known in the army. And yet, one way or another, it’s the same...
8. medal
Nick looks at the box standing beside the couch. Wonders if she would mind if he takes a look at its content. He looks around, seeing Freya still standing in the kitchen, preparing dinner.
His eyes widen in surprise when he sees the medal glitter when the light falls on it once he opens the box. Careful fingers pick it up, turning it around in his hands. Wondering what she did to have earned it. When he looks back in the box, he notices a couple of leather-bound books. Another glance towards the kitchen before taking one of them out as well. The pages are well-used and it takes but one glance to realize it are diaries. Quickly he puts the book back in the box. It is not his business. Though he is curious... Wants to know what her life is like. What she has to do. What she has done. What she feels and thinks and...
"I meant to throw that medal away."
Her voice is soft behind him and he turns around. A guilty look on his face at getting caught snooping around.
Freya smiles - he can still see the pain in her eyes though - and places a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't worry. I wouldn't have left it standing there if I really didn't want anyone to see it. I must admit though, that I forgot my diaries were in there as well..."
Nick stands up again, facing her. She holds out her hand and he gives her the medal back. Without a word she walks back to the kitchen, throwing it in the garbish bin, before walking back to the living room. She can clearly read the question on his face. For a second doubting if she should tell him. She knows he wants to know about it. Wants to hear about her life in the army. He has asked a couple of times already.
"It's but some stupid metal. It means nothing."
Their eyes lock and she doesn't look away. "If you really want, I'll tell you some about it."
Turning her gaze back to the kitchen - not able to withstand his gaze - before motioning him to set himself at the dinner table.
"Dinner is ready."
He ignores her and walks over to the kitchen, helping her lay out the table.
"But it aren't exactly nice stories. Your opinion about me might change..."
Nick shakes his head. It doesn't reassure Freya though.
She sighs when she sets herself down. Sees how Nick takes place opposite of her. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, before filling both their plates and starting to talk.
"The medal. It was because I went back. Because I saw someone fall behind - hit - and I went back for him. We made it to our camp. Eventually. They took him to the hospital wing and I went to visit him the as soon as I could. He..."
Her voice falters for a second.
"He didn't make it to the end of the day. I saw him die. I held his hand when he passed away. I..."
Freya still hasn't touched her food. Not really hungry anymore.
"The look in his eyes when he saw me entering his room. It means much more to me than the stupid medal."
She stabs her fork in the mashed potatoes. No intention at all to eat it.
Sighing she lays down her cutlery, pushing her plate to the middle of the table.
"What do you want to know?"
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PS: I think you meant m'am instead of 'mam
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And yeah, more Liam! I like Liam! ^^
Thanks, got it corrected!
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They can't stay angry at one other, they love each other too much. :p
Thanks for reading!