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rainbowfic2012-10-18 05:53 pm
dark_kana) wrote in rainbowfic2012-10-18 05:53 pm
Cherry Blossom Pink 9 - True Blue 18 - Bichromatic - Fingerpainting
Name : Kana
Title : Reflection
Story : Circle Never Ends
Characters : Freya
Colors : Cherry Blossom Pink 9 Zen -True Blue 18 Never had a friend like me
Supplies & Styles : Bichromatic - Fingerpainting
Word Count : 614
Rating : PG
Summary : Freya reflects on her feelings for Nick
Notes : Constructive criticism is, as always, welcome.
Continuation of Stubborn Refusal (http://rainbowfic.dreamwidth.org/360109.html)
I'm sitting on the ground. Legs crossed and hands resting on my knees, hand palms up. Taking a deep breath. Eyes closed. Trying to calm my mind. There is too much. Too much running through my head. Too many feelings. Too many thoughts. Too much...
A frustrated sigh escapes me when I don't succeed in emptying my mind. No matter what I do, no matter what I try, he always enters my thoughts again. Always. It drives me crazy...
"Damn you Nick. Damn you."
Standing up, I walk out of my room, entering the dojo. Of course the room is empty. It's the middle of the night after all.
Without thinking I fall out in a fighting stance. Legs spread, stable. Arms in defence raised in front of me. The kata so routine that the movements follow one other fluently. The punches and the kicks executed with power. If there was an adversary in front, they were sure to hit. Smiling I decide to keep the yelling at bay, not wanting to disturb anyone.
It's strange how I am completely calm when I finish the exercise. It unnerves me though, that the thoughts are still swirling around in my head.
"Right. I can't get you out of my mind it seems. Not be meditating. Not by fighting."
I walk into the courtyard, enjoying the sound of the wind through the trees. The rustle of the leaves. Setting myself on the bench beneath the cherry tree. It's my favourite spot in the garden.
"Okay, so let's see..."
Nick. Why can't I get him out of my head?
Simple answer. I love him.
Right, question one solved.
Now. Why do I love him?
Easy as well. He's funny, he's sweet, he's understanding, he cares, has beautiful eyes, a gorgeous body, he fights, gives wonderful massages, I can talk to him - about everything and nothing, he doesn't judge, he knows me.
What else is there. I know he loves me as well. I've known for a while. Suspected actually. But now I know. For real. He told me and it is what I have always wanted him to say. And now I didn't want to hear it when he said it.
Why? Scared. It's as simple as that. I'm afraid. Terrified.
And I can't believe he feels the same. Who could possibly love me? Me...
But alright. Let's believe he does love me. Why afraid? Come on Freya. Why afraid?
What if it doesn't work out? I'll lose his friendship. I'll lose him. As a friend. As a training's partner. I don't want to lose him. I want him close to me forever.
That's not all. What else?
Closing my eyes to hold back the tears. One still manages to escape though.
The cancer. I... I know what is to come. I know... And I don't want to drag him through everything. What if he can't handle it. What if he can't keep his promise and he leaves me alone. What if I'm starting to depend too much on him. What if he leaves me then, when I most need him?
I let my gaze travel to the sky. The stars shining brightly in the dark night. It's a beautiful sight.
Should I...? Should I give it a chance. Should I give us a chance? Should I try?
Yawning I rub her eyes. Questioning myself gets me tired - and perhaps the fact that it is 4am already- and still I don't know what to do about him. About us.
I crawl back into my bed. Needing more time - yes, even more - to think about this. Perhaps one day, without thinking, I'll suddenly know...
Title : Reflection
Story : Circle Never Ends
Characters : Freya
Colors : Cherry Blossom Pink 9 Zen -True Blue 18 Never had a friend like me
Supplies & Styles : Bichromatic - Fingerpainting
Word Count : 614
Rating : PG
Summary : Freya reflects on her feelings for Nick
Notes : Constructive criticism is, as always, welcome.
Continuation of Stubborn Refusal (http://rainbowfic.dreamwidth.org/360109.html)
I'm sitting on the ground. Legs crossed and hands resting on my knees, hand palms up. Taking a deep breath. Eyes closed. Trying to calm my mind. There is too much. Too much running through my head. Too many feelings. Too many thoughts. Too much...
A frustrated sigh escapes me when I don't succeed in emptying my mind. No matter what I do, no matter what I try, he always enters my thoughts again. Always. It drives me crazy...
"Damn you Nick. Damn you."
Standing up, I walk out of my room, entering the dojo. Of course the room is empty. It's the middle of the night after all.
Without thinking I fall out in a fighting stance. Legs spread, stable. Arms in defence raised in front of me. The kata so routine that the movements follow one other fluently. The punches and the kicks executed with power. If there was an adversary in front, they were sure to hit. Smiling I decide to keep the yelling at bay, not wanting to disturb anyone.
It's strange how I am completely calm when I finish the exercise. It unnerves me though, that the thoughts are still swirling around in my head.
"Right. I can't get you out of my mind it seems. Not be meditating. Not by fighting."
I walk into the courtyard, enjoying the sound of the wind through the trees. The rustle of the leaves. Setting myself on the bench beneath the cherry tree. It's my favourite spot in the garden.
"Okay, so let's see..."
Nick. Why can't I get him out of my head?
Simple answer. I love him.
Right, question one solved.
Now. Why do I love him?
Easy as well. He's funny, he's sweet, he's understanding, he cares, has beautiful eyes, a gorgeous body, he fights, gives wonderful massages, I can talk to him - about everything and nothing, he doesn't judge, he knows me.
What else is there. I know he loves me as well. I've known for a while. Suspected actually. But now I know. For real. He told me and it is what I have always wanted him to say. And now I didn't want to hear it when he said it.
Why? Scared. It's as simple as that. I'm afraid. Terrified.
And I can't believe he feels the same. Who could possibly love me? Me...
But alright. Let's believe he does love me. Why afraid? Come on Freya. Why afraid?
What if it doesn't work out? I'll lose his friendship. I'll lose him. As a friend. As a training's partner. I don't want to lose him. I want him close to me forever.
That's not all. What else?
Closing my eyes to hold back the tears. One still manages to escape though.
The cancer. I... I know what is to come. I know... And I don't want to drag him through everything. What if he can't handle it. What if he can't keep his promise and he leaves me alone. What if I'm starting to depend too much on him. What if he leaves me then, when I most need him?
I let my gaze travel to the sky. The stars shining brightly in the dark night. It's a beautiful sight.
Should I...? Should I give it a chance. Should I give us a chance? Should I try?
Yawning I rub her eyes. Questioning myself gets me tired - and perhaps the fact that it is 4am already- and still I don't know what to do about him. About us.
I crawl back into my bed. Needing more time - yes, even more - to think about this. Perhaps one day, without thinking, I'll suddenly know...