Martina Corlioni Facts

[bookblather]

Author: Kat
Title: Martina Corlioni Facts
Story: Polyfaceted
Colors: Eton blue 5 (driver's ed).
Supplies and Materials: Pointillism, collage, miniature collection, brush (divertissement), stain (I know not, sir, whether Bacon wrote the works of Shakespeare, but if he did not it seems to me that he missed the opportunity of his life).
Word Count: 156.
Rating: G.
Summary: Martina Corlioni has taken on a rather godlike status.
Warnings: sheer bizarreness.
Notes: I DON'T EVEN KNOW, GUYS. Kelly-approved.


Martina Corlioni has no cookbooks; Martina Corlioni needs no cookbooks.

Don't keep secrets from Martina Corlioni: she can read your mind, and she knows them all anyway.

Martina Corlioni doesn't use microwaves, because food is so scared of her it heats up on its own.

Lightning never strikes in the same place twice, but Martina Corlioni does.

Martina Corlioni can cut down a tree with a herring.

Martina Corlioni not only simply walks into Mordor, she stares down Sauron, makes him cower, and takes over Middle Earth without breaking a sweat.

Martina Corlioni never gets lost, because the world rearranges itself to suit her needs.

Mirrors do reflect Martina Corlioni, and that reflection can stare you down.

Alton Brown may be Iron Chef, but Martina Corlioni is Titanium Chef.

Martina Corlioni can make an omlet without breaking eggs.

Bloody Mary is afraid to say "Martina Corlioni" three times.

Survival techniques for fighting with Martina Corlioni: surrender.

Comments

[subluxate]

I STILL LOVE THIS HARD AND IT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS EVER. It's sheer amazing.

And all true, especially if you ask her boys or her husband.

[bookblather]

XD I KNOW oh man. This totally is a family document that the boys add to whenever they run afoul of her.

Thanks!

[geena]

OH GOD, SO AMAZING. MY SOUL, IT HURTS, SERIOUSLY. Just... oh god, I love you. This is fantastic. The Mordor one, the Titanium Chef, Bloody Mary... HOW TO CHOOSE A FAVORITE.

jkaj;fl;fls you are incredible.

[bookblather]

XD GOOD SOUL HURTING I HOPE.

Favorites not necessary. XD Thank you!

[sarcasticsra]

LOL omg this is hilarious and amazing. I think my favorite is the Bloody Mary one but they are all so perfect. Awesome job!

[bookblather]

I REGRET NOTHIIIIIIIIING

Thanks!

[shipwreck_light]

I have to go to an AAPC meeting tonight and was in a crumby mood about it.

Was being the operative word here.

Martina Corlioni can cut down a tree with a herring.

Is my favorite.

[bookblather]

She's just badass that way.

Thanks!

[ce_jour_la]

I laughed so, so hard. This--"Martina Corlioni not only simply walks into Mordor, she stares down Sauron, makes him cower, and takes over Middle Earth without breaking a sweat."--made my day.

Thanks. :D

[bookblather]

Of course she does! Beautiful and terrible as the dawn.

Thanks!