himejoshiheart: tbh creature but fictional fanon cowboy man. the endo flag is overlaid over it and if you tell me to kms over that you can eat my entire ass (Default)
himejoshiheart ([personal profile] himejoshiheart) wrote in [community profile] rainbowfic2025-03-29 02:05 pm

Mary is the girl that leaves you to ROT!!!!!!

Author: Chibi
Story: emlore!
Color: Under-The-Bed Black (leaky faucet)
Styles and Supplies: diptych + oils ([community profile] lyricaltitles duet fic - Different lyrics from the same song), graffiti (song is Useewaa, even through the title is from Alex G's Mary), this may count as palette knife?, pastels! (genprompt bingo), chiaroscuro
Summary: Em fantasizes about the tables finally turning- and yet, it's not in the cards for her
Prompt Reasoning: tears. emotions. sobbing. yknow yknow?
Wordcount: 1074
Note: this is a vent piece about verbal abuse and shitty bigoted fathers. em is Not At Her Best here


What is wrong? What is right?
What is stupid to think? What makes you a fool to believe?
Em wishes her father would just sit down and listen, sometimes!
She'd tell him. She'd tell him in the exact same way he tells her that her ideals are worthless, that people like Puffle with their lack of gender are mentally ill, that if you wish for the world to be a better place you're just a worthless taker, that all of her ideals are fucking stupid and get people killed.
(That if his ideals lead to others deaths, well, it's their own fault for killing themselves. For not wanting to live in a world that thinks them so worthless. For the world to grab them, chew them up and beat them bloody-)
When Em was a child, she was a prodigy, a special person.
Now? Now she's all grown up, and yet still a worthless loser.
Still a verbal punching bag for her father- if only... If only...
"You're wrong!" She yells, and her father doesn't yell back- he cowers. This time, it's her standing tall. "You think that there's something all fucked up in my brain that makes me want to respect other people, but the truth is that I'm fucking sick of your shit! Did you know that Puffle isn't a boy- isn't a girl- they're neither? AND YET! Yet, every- every fucking thing you say about people like that- you're saying that about my best friend! You're saying that they're mental ill and they don't fucking deserve respect- what did they fucking do to you? Who fucking hurt you so badly that you thought that they deserved zero respect." She stands over him, red eyes glaring downwards. "How would you fucking feel if I disrespected your gender?! If I fucking told you 'No, you're a girl now, and you'll always be a girl now, and if you object you're fucking stupid and worthless' and imagine the world fucking agreed with me?! Imagine if you tried to be anything but a girl and everyone drooled at the fucking mouth, ready to fucking maul you to bits and bobbles?! Ready to tear you apart like a piece of meat?" She pants heavily, seeing the look of terror in his eyes. "AND THAT'S HOW YOU WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL!? IF PUFFLE GOT CHEWED UP LIKE FUCKING MEAT ABOUT THAT WOULD YOU CELEBRATE!? OR WOULD YOU ONLY CARE IF I DIDN'T TELL YOU- IF I LET YOU KEEP FUCKING THINKING THAT THEY WEREN'T ONE OF THOSE FILTHY FUCKING THINGS YOU HATE?!"
But well... Em's always been behaved- outwardly, at least.
If only she could bring herself to hold words against her father- oh, what would it give her!? He'd just yell back! Even if she didn't break, didn't cower- what good would it give her?! What good would it fucking give her!? If anything, her father would just dig in his heels more! If anything, her father might just kick Puffle into the fucking sun and say that maybe they weren't a very good friend, genderless freak they were, despite the fact that they and Em had a bond strong enough to move mountains.
... A bond strong enough to move mountains, but not to take down a man such as Em's father, nor save the world from the destruction that others could have prevented.
"THINK I'VE CROSSED THE LINE?" Em asks, her teeth in a sharp grin. "THINK I'VE LOST MY MIND?" Her father has already surrendered- already, his will is beaten down.
But that wasn't enough to stop his yelling, so it's not enough to stop hers. She'd scream and scream until the day he's dead- no use screaming at a corpse!
Finally, the tables turn- he feels the same as she does when she's ticked him off, fear running through his entire body, his own ideals shaken- but unlike Em's, they won't sit themselves back in their proper place.
Just smile and nod, go along with what he says, what he thinks. Em doesn't need to think about how she words her sentences to not gender nor misgender Puffle, how she doesn't correct their innocent misgendering-
- Because she might as well tell them that Puffle is gross, disgusting scum. That her beloved little Puffball is nothing more that something gross that they should smash under their feet, because by being genderless Puffle has something wrong with them, something that should just be torn open, that-
"- That they fucking deserve to suffer!? Because they're gross and disgusting and horrible and you fucking hate them and people like them!?" She doesn't care that she's fucking repeating herself.
Her father repeats himself all the time- tackles the same fucking topics and yells the same words at her, even when she's GOTTEN IT SHE'S GOTTEN IT SHE'S GOTTEN IT SHE'S FUCKING GOTTEN IT THE FIRST FUCKING TIME HE SAID IT SHES STUPID AND HER IDEALS ARE STUPID AND PUFFLE IS STUPID AND DOESN'T FUCKING DESERVE RESPECT SHE'S GOTTEN IT PLEASE STOP
Her voice speaks for a world that's on it's last legs.
"Don't you even fucking look at me!" Em yells. "You're as worthless as you think people like Puffle are- scum that don't fucking deserve respect!" She spits, and her father cries.
Her tears didn't stop him
His tears don't stop her.
"Don't fucking say you understand me or know my pain!" She yells. "All you look at when you see me is a stupid fucking bitch who gives worth to the worthless scum everyone you listen to scapegoats for their own sins!"
Em breathes in, breathes out, tears flowing right from her eyes.
She already knows that she's a worthless fucking punching bag, that her only purpose is to be an acceptable target to tear apart, for everyone to release their frustrations on but she never gets to go ballistic, just daydreams of happier people with lives she doesn't get- a man who lost everything given a new life, a smiling girl who even tried to end her father figure's life over less than what Em has suffered, with no consequences from trying, even a former cultist, chains broken, abuser overthrown, taking over the cult and transforming it into a peaceful commune.
... All given glory that she'd never fucking see.
And well, that's just how life is sometimes for people, isn't it? Sometimes people get unlucky, rot, and suffer. That's life.
Not everyone makes it out.