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rainbowfic2024-12-17 03:47 pm
paradoxcase) wrote in rainbowfic2024-12-17 03:47 pm
Nacarat #3, Ecru #17, Techelet #1 [The Fulcrum]
Name: Ultimatum
Story: The Fulcrum
Colors: Nacarat #3: Tárvotur (Icelandic): Wet with tears, Ecru #17: Dictate, Techelet #1: Chesed (loving kindness)
Styles and Supplies: Life Drawing
Word Count: 1255
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Characters: Setsiana, Sapfita
In-Universe Date: Night of 1647.6.2.1
Summary: Setsiana dreams of Sapfita, and receives a strange request.
In Setsiana’s dreams, she was with Sapfita, as almost always. She saw Her in the darkness, limned by the light of some star, or possibly something of divine origin. This time, Sapfita only embraced her, and held her there while she cried. Alone, in the dark, away from the world in the curious place that Time occupied, she felt she had the space to grieve.
“Today was a horrible day,” said Setsiana, when she was done.
“I know,” said Sapfita. “I’m sorry.”
“Why did she say that? Why did she think that? I’m not a fucking zwáhrévet.” The word was not a slur or something rude, but in the context, it might as well be. She pulled out of Sapfita’s arms and turned around the face the blackness. Some bright light source pulled at the edges of her vision, as it always did in these dreams, but she knew she would never see it by turning.
“I don’t like how you use that word,” said Sapfita. “You and Yeimicha and all the rest of you in that time and place. There is more to human experiences than the arbitrary boxes you put yourselves into.”
“What complexity is there here?” asked Setsiana. “I love her, and for some reason, for no reason at all, she thinks I don’t. What more is there to it?”
“You’ll eventually learn to see this a bit differently,” said Sapfita.
Setsiana turned back to face Her again, the light skittering away from her eyes tantalizingly. “Was it really something I did, then?” It came to her belatedly, as it often did, that Sapfita was more than just a friend who had been there for her her whole life, after all, that She was also the Eternal Source of Wisdom, the Divine Font of all knowledge of the world, and that She might be able to offer information, and not just comfort. “What did I do?” she asked more softly. “How can I fix this?”
“It’s not your fault,” said Sapfita. “There was nothing you could do. This happens in every timeline; she doesn’t always say this today, but she always says it eventually. Don’t waste your time chasing after her. She doesn’t deserve you.” She stopped, and seemed to rethink this a bit. “I guess I’m being unfair. It wasn’t really her fault either. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible, and it isn’t anyone’s fault.” It sounded like she was repeating a mantra to calm Herself, that She’d said many times before.
Setsiana realized Sapfita was angry… at Yeimicha. She had not seen Sapfita angry on her behalf before, not even when her work was criticized in a way that surely must be unfair and even Yeimicha was angry on Setsiana’s behalf, but now Sapfita was angry. She had always been a little strange about Setsiana’s relationship with Yeimicha, to the point that Setsiana had once asked her if She didn’t approve, but Sapfita had told her it was fine. Just ‘fine’, not good or bad or great. She’d never told Setsiana that She was happy for her the way that Syeraila had, but She’d also never outright said it was a bad idea until now. Setsiana had gotten the feeling She was never quite alright with it, but had never been able to tease out why - was it just that She knew this would happen and was waiting for it? Only she knew Sapfita didn’t experience time that way.
“There must have been something I did,” she said, carefully now. Having cried herself out, she felt emptied of emotion now, and was able to remember the facts somewhat more objectively. “She said it was something I did last night.”
“It was nothing you would have done differently while still being you,” said Sapfita. “There are other things you could have done, but would you still be happy with them? You spend so much time and effort trying to figure out what you should do to please others; you should spend some more time thinking about what pleases you.” She broke off here, seeming to consider something. “Additionally… it may be a little early for this yet, but I want to put it in your head now: there are a lot of different things that you could in theory have done, but a person is to a certain extent the sum of their decisions and experiences in whatever timeline they are in, and doing those things would make you a different person, and not necessarily the person you need to be. Or the person I need you to be. Not every theoretically possible timeline actually exists; there are reasons for that.”
“Who do you need me to be?” Setsiana asked. “What good was I to you, today?” Sapfita sometimes spoke like this to her, as if She needed Setsiana for some unknown purpose, but this seemed like an odd time to say such things.
“Today was actually important,” said Sapfita. “You might see why, eventually. But tomorrow is even more important. There is something I need you to do for me, tomorrow.”
“What is it?” Setsiana did not particularly feel like taking on an extra job, on top of everything else. This favor might have wait.
“You’ll be given an important choice tomorrow,” said Sapfita. “And it will seem like one option is very very obviously the best choice, from a purely practical standpoint, and maybe also from a moral standpoint, and definitely from a common sense standpoint, and… I need you to make the other choice instead. I need you to choose the thing that seems obviously wrong and dangerous, just this once. I’m sorry I can’t make this easier for you, I’ve… made some mistakes, if you want the truth. But it’s something that needs to happen, and I need you to trust me on this.”
“Why?” asked Setsiana, dully. “What happens if I don’t make this choice?”
“Then we won’t be able to talk like this anymore,” said Sapfita. “I will be gone from your life forever.”
Setsiana stared at her, as best as she was able. The bright corona around her seemed to shift and grow darker and lighter in patches, as if people or beings were moving around behind her and cutting in and out of the light. She had been speaking to Sapfita in these dreams since she was seven years old, and in all those long years, Sapfita had never told her that there might be an end to that relationship, that the dreams would someday simply stop. It hadn’t been something she’d ever thought about enough to worry about, but now the prospect loomed with a horrifying new clarity. She’d already just lost Yeimicha, and now she might lose Sapfita as well. What else could the universe throw at her at this point?
Sapfita took one of Setsiana’s hands in both of hers. “Remember,” she said. “Always remember that I love you. I know I always say that… but really remember this time. When you make that choice, I will be there for you afterwards, no matter what happens.” Her long unbound hair seemed to fall forward over her shoulders as she leaned in. Setsiana had always remembered her as very tall when she was a child; Sapfita was only few inches taller than her now, but sometimes that made all the difference.
“I’ll remember,” Setsiana said, and the dream faded around her. She had the familiar sense of everything becoming flat and unreal before she was fully pulled back into the waking world.
Story: The Fulcrum
Colors: Nacarat #3: Tárvotur (Icelandic): Wet with tears, Ecru #17: Dictate, Techelet #1: Chesed (loving kindness)
Styles and Supplies: Life Drawing
Word Count: 1255
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Characters: Setsiana, Sapfita
In-Universe Date: Night of 1647.6.2.1
Summary: Setsiana dreams of Sapfita, and receives a strange request.
In Setsiana’s dreams, she was with Sapfita, as almost always. She saw Her in the darkness, limned by the light of some star, or possibly something of divine origin. This time, Sapfita only embraced her, and held her there while she cried. Alone, in the dark, away from the world in the curious place that Time occupied, she felt she had the space to grieve.
“Today was a horrible day,” said Setsiana, when she was done.
“I know,” said Sapfita. “I’m sorry.”
“Why did she say that? Why did she think that? I’m not a fucking zwáhrévet.” The word was not a slur or something rude, but in the context, it might as well be. She pulled out of Sapfita’s arms and turned around the face the blackness. Some bright light source pulled at the edges of her vision, as it always did in these dreams, but she knew she would never see it by turning.
“I don’t like how you use that word,” said Sapfita. “You and Yeimicha and all the rest of you in that time and place. There is more to human experiences than the arbitrary boxes you put yourselves into.”
“What complexity is there here?” asked Setsiana. “I love her, and for some reason, for no reason at all, she thinks I don’t. What more is there to it?”
“You’ll eventually learn to see this a bit differently,” said Sapfita.
Setsiana turned back to face Her again, the light skittering away from her eyes tantalizingly. “Was it really something I did, then?” It came to her belatedly, as it often did, that Sapfita was more than just a friend who had been there for her her whole life, after all, that She was also the Eternal Source of Wisdom, the Divine Font of all knowledge of the world, and that She might be able to offer information, and not just comfort. “What did I do?” she asked more softly. “How can I fix this?”
“It’s not your fault,” said Sapfita. “There was nothing you could do. This happens in every timeline; she doesn’t always say this today, but she always says it eventually. Don’t waste your time chasing after her. She doesn’t deserve you.” She stopped, and seemed to rethink this a bit. “I guess I’m being unfair. It wasn’t really her fault either. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible, and it isn’t anyone’s fault.” It sounded like she was repeating a mantra to calm Herself, that She’d said many times before.
Setsiana realized Sapfita was angry… at Yeimicha. She had not seen Sapfita angry on her behalf before, not even when her work was criticized in a way that surely must be unfair and even Yeimicha was angry on Setsiana’s behalf, but now Sapfita was angry. She had always been a little strange about Setsiana’s relationship with Yeimicha, to the point that Setsiana had once asked her if She didn’t approve, but Sapfita had told her it was fine. Just ‘fine’, not good or bad or great. She’d never told Setsiana that She was happy for her the way that Syeraila had, but She’d also never outright said it was a bad idea until now. Setsiana had gotten the feeling She was never quite alright with it, but had never been able to tease out why - was it just that She knew this would happen and was waiting for it? Only she knew Sapfita didn’t experience time that way.
“There must have been something I did,” she said, carefully now. Having cried herself out, she felt emptied of emotion now, and was able to remember the facts somewhat more objectively. “She said it was something I did last night.”
“It was nothing you would have done differently while still being you,” said Sapfita. “There are other things you could have done, but would you still be happy with them? You spend so much time and effort trying to figure out what you should do to please others; you should spend some more time thinking about what pleases you.” She broke off here, seeming to consider something. “Additionally… it may be a little early for this yet, but I want to put it in your head now: there are a lot of different things that you could in theory have done, but a person is to a certain extent the sum of their decisions and experiences in whatever timeline they are in, and doing those things would make you a different person, and not necessarily the person you need to be. Or the person I need you to be. Not every theoretically possible timeline actually exists; there are reasons for that.”
“Who do you need me to be?” Setsiana asked. “What good was I to you, today?” Sapfita sometimes spoke like this to her, as if She needed Setsiana for some unknown purpose, but this seemed like an odd time to say such things.
“Today was actually important,” said Sapfita. “You might see why, eventually. But tomorrow is even more important. There is something I need you to do for me, tomorrow.”
“What is it?” Setsiana did not particularly feel like taking on an extra job, on top of everything else. This favor might have wait.
“You’ll be given an important choice tomorrow,” said Sapfita. “And it will seem like one option is very very obviously the best choice, from a purely practical standpoint, and maybe also from a moral standpoint, and definitely from a common sense standpoint, and… I need you to make the other choice instead. I need you to choose the thing that seems obviously wrong and dangerous, just this once. I’m sorry I can’t make this easier for you, I’ve… made some mistakes, if you want the truth. But it’s something that needs to happen, and I need you to trust me on this.”
“Why?” asked Setsiana, dully. “What happens if I don’t make this choice?”
“Then we won’t be able to talk like this anymore,” said Sapfita. “I will be gone from your life forever.”
Setsiana stared at her, as best as she was able. The bright corona around her seemed to shift and grow darker and lighter in patches, as if people or beings were moving around behind her and cutting in and out of the light. She had been speaking to Sapfita in these dreams since she was seven years old, and in all those long years, Sapfita had never told her that there might be an end to that relationship, that the dreams would someday simply stop. It hadn’t been something she’d ever thought about enough to worry about, but now the prospect loomed with a horrifying new clarity. She’d already just lost Yeimicha, and now she might lose Sapfita as well. What else could the universe throw at her at this point?
Sapfita took one of Setsiana’s hands in both of hers. “Remember,” she said. “Always remember that I love you. I know I always say that… but really remember this time. When you make that choice, I will be there for you afterwards, no matter what happens.” Her long unbound hair seemed to fall forward over her shoulders as she leaned in. Setsiana had always remembered her as very tall when she was a child; Sapfita was only few inches taller than her now, but sometimes that made all the difference.
“I’ll remember,” Setsiana said, and the dream faded around her. She had the familiar sense of everything becoming flat and unreal before she was fully pulled back into the waking world.
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This just needs the color: techelet tag.
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Thank you! The dangerous choice is in a few more installments. Originally the whole thing up to that point was listed as "Chapter One", and then it wound up being 18k words altogether.
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This was great! And I love the dream conversation between Setsiana and Sapfita, and how the dreamworld seems to be so comforting for Setsiana, and something she'd hate to lose.
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Thanks! It's been fun kind of sketching out some of the moral philosophies of this religion.
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I hope you aren't disappointed!