Yellow 15, Blue 10: Government Cheese

[bookblather]

Author: Kat
Title: Government Cheese
Story: In the Heart
Colors: Yellow 15 (yellow government cheese), blue 10 (blue collar).
Supplies and Materials: Canvas (Arelie is eight or nine), seed beads, modeling clay (strong).
Word Count: 620.
Rating: PG.
Summary: It's hard to be a poor single mother.
Warnings: nope
Notes: Last yellow.


Arelie scowled at her food, then looked up. "Do we have to have this again?"

Hanna Koch rubbed at one eye, tiredly-- a shift this morning and another tonight, and she hadn't had time for a nap. "What, sweetie?"

Her daughter poked at her rubbery mac and cheese with her fork. "This. It's gross, it tastes like rubber."

She put her own fork down and rubbed at her forehead with both hands. That damn government cheese. "I know it tastes bad. I'm sorry."

Arelie wrinkled her nose. "Then why do we have it every night?"

"It's what we have." Hanna picked up her fork, stared at her food, then put it down again. "You make do with what you have. Eat your dinner."

"You're not eating," Arelie muttered, scraping off the tiniest bite she could.

"I'm not hungry," Hanna said, which was true-- she was so exhausted she couldn't even contemplate eating-- and picked her plate up. "Eat ten bites and you can skip to dessert, okay?"

"Five bites," Arelie countered.

"Five big bites," Hanna said, because if she insisted on ten they would be the tiniest bites known to man, and nodded. "Deal. Did you pack your things for the babysitter tonight?"

"Yes." She scowled at her loaded fork, pinched her nose shut, and shoved the food in her mouth, then swallowed several times. "All my homework and my pajamas. Do I really have to stay overnight?"

Hanna paused in putting her plate on the counter. There was something in her daughter's voice-- she set it down and sat beside Arelie. "Sweetheart, is something wrong?"

Arelie looked down at her plate. "I don't like you being gone all the time."

Hanna sighed, and put her arm around her daughter. "I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry. It's just... we need the money. This shift will give me overtime pay." She gave Arelie a weak smile, and squeezed her shoulder, searching for a bright side. "We'll be able to get you new shoes."

"I don't want new shoes," Arelie said, even though she needed them-- her old sneakers were too small, and splitting at the seams. "I want you. Why do you have to work all the time? You didn't when Daddy was here."

Hanna drew in a sharp breath, and a moment later, breathed out very deliberately. When Steve was here, a lot of things had been different-- he'd paid for things, for starters, and she had not had to waitress every shift she could scrounge. "I know," she said, quietly. "When Daddy was here it was easier. But Daddy's gone now, and this is how it has to be."

"I don't know why," Arelie said. "Why can't Daddy just come back?"

Because he had a new, younger, prettier woman he'd suckered into sleeping with him, Hanna thought bitterly. How long would it be until that woman found herself pregnant? How long before Steve's eyes began to rove again? How long until-- she cut herself off. Arelie was too young for any of this.

"Daddy has other things he wants to do," she said, carefully. "I'm sorry, my love. He isn't coming back."

"I just wish things could be like they used to be." Arelie swallowed, and to Hanna's horror, blinked back tears. "I wish you could stay home and play like you used to, and help me with my homework, and not be tired all the time and..." She paused, rubbed a small fist against her eye. "And I wish we didn't have to eat this stupid awful food!"

Hanna closed her eyes, pulled her daughter close to her, and set her chin atop Arelie's head, fighting back her own tears. "So do I, love," she whispered. "So do I."

Comments

[isana]

Poor Arelie. No wonder she remembers this right around the time Fatimah discovers her and Farid, because what she went through with Hanna, right there, is downright painful.

[bookblather]

Yeah, her childhood was... not very fun, after her father left. Which is not to say that her mother didn't love her-- Hanna does love Arelie, and very much. It was just very hard for both of them. It's definitely part of the reason she gave up Ahava for adoption. She didn't want this to be her child's life too.

Thank you.

[kay_brooke]

Oh, this really makes a lot of stuff in Arelie's life later make sense. Great job.

[bookblather]

Thank you. I'm glad it explains some of her motivations.

[sarcasticsra]

Oh, this really does explain a lot about Arelie's motivations re: leaving Farid, what with her father leaving them. And my I want to hug both her and Hanna.

Great job.

[bookblather]

Yup. She wants Ahava to have a better childhood than she did. That's one of her primary reasons for giving Ahava up, in the end.

Thank you.

[clare_dragonfly]

Awww, so sad! Poor things! I just want to hug them, but they're hugging each other, so I guess it's OK.

[bookblather]

Yeah, they do at least have each other. Thank you.

[settecorvi]

Ouch, Arelie's incomprehension of why things are different now feels very realistic. There's no good way for Hanna to explain, and no way for her to spend the time with her daughter they both want.

If this is what Arelie remembers from her childhood, I can see why she wouldn't want to let her own child grow up in the same setting, even if it meant giving them up.

[bookblather]

Yeah. That's definitely part of it. She can't have her child live the life she did. She just won't let it happen.

Thank you.

[shipwreck_light]

On one hand, this is totally touching and full of love and pain.

On the other, I must commend you for bringing home the taste of some truly regrettable dinner. Which might sound funny in a way, but you have to understand, it really drove home the memory of other days!

And also, now I want a mint real bad.

[bookblather]

Thank you! For both. Emotionally AND physically evocative is everything I wanted to be.