Sulphur #2, Sienna #19

[shadowsong26]

Name: shadowsong26
Story: I hold Time in my hands
'Verse: Feredar
Colors: Sulphur #2. Temptation, Sienna #19. analytic
Supplies and Materials: oils, glitter, miniature collection, feathers, fabric, modeling clay
Word Count: 171
Rating: PG
Characters: Kirana
Warnings: None
Notes: Constructive criticism welcome, as always. This is a Fibbonacci poem.


1
I
hold
Time in
my hands. But
I can only look
forward, never back. I light the
way ahead, for those
who come to
me with
ques-
tions.

2
I
hold
Time in
my hands. For
better or for worse,
I know what will become of you.
And of the world. I
want to help
you save
the
world.

3
I
hold
Time in
my hands. There
are things that I have
seen that I know might change the course
of history. If you
listen to
me I
will
guide--

4
I
hold
Time in
my hands. But
there are so many
different paths, and when I trace the
changes sometimes it's
worse. I don't
want it
to
get--

5
I
hold
Time in
my hands, but
sometimes I wish that I
didn't see anything. It's too
much, too complex, and
there's only
so much
I
can--

6
I
hold
Time in
my hands. I
know where we will go.
I know where Time is taking
us. Most important,
I know when
not to
tell
you.

Comments

[ysonesse]

Using the Fibonacci structure to illustrate Kirana's POV works very well here (I had to look it up to understand its structural use for poetry. Tricky work, but you've certainly done it!).

[shadowsong26]

Thank you ^_^

[bookblather]

Ooh, I love the structure of this. It's very clever and very suited to the poem's subject. I also like the way she gets cut off at the end of some verses-- I know it's for syllable count, but it's very effective. Well done.

[shadowsong26]

Thank you ^^

Yeah, I thought about rewording those stanzas, so I wouldn't have to cut off, but then I realized it made sense to have her cut off anyway, so ^_^ Glad that worked as well as I thought it did.