starphotographs: This field is just more space for me to ramble and will never be used correctly. I am okay with this! (Default)
starphotographs ([personal profile] starphotographs) wrote in [community profile] rainbowfic2015-07-18 04:11 am

Skyblue Pink with Striped Polka Dots 10

Name: [personal profile] starphotographs
Story: Universe B
Supplies and Styles: Graffiti (Summer Carnival), Glitter (http://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/stammering-translated-sonnet-which-poet-sends-rains-havana-her-love-new-york)
Characters: Milo, Kit is mentioned
Colors: Skyblue Pink with Striped Polka Dots 10 ("A person's a person, no matter how small.")
Word Count: 1,034
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Choose not to warn.
Summary: Milo records a message, hoping that it will never be received.
Note: Just something I came up with, because I can seen him doing this.


Red Planet; Black Box


Our bags are packed. The tickets are in my wallet.

Now there’s just one last thing to do before I wake my brother.

I lock myself in the bathroom, so he won’t hear me. I open my laptop, plug in the flash drive, turn on the camera, and cough a few times before I get started. Then I clear my throat and press Record.

*****


My name is Milo Elias Green. I’m twenty-one years old. As of this recording, I live at Housing Project Number Six, Iron Hills Residential District, Tharsis Quadrangle… And yeah, on paper, that looks like someone who doesn’t really matter, and maybe I don’t, but I mattered to me, so at least try to listen to what I’m about to say.

…Well, anyway, If you’re watching this, you’ve been through my pockets, so I’m probably dead.

As you already know, I’ve borrowed a freight shuttle escape pod, with intent to reach Earth. You’re seeing this because I overestimated my capacities… Actually, I not so much “overestimate” as just, like, say “screw it” and try anyway because I didn’t have another choice.

If I’m dead… You’re watching this, so I‘ll just assume I am… Something might have gone wrong with the pod, or I could have drifted too far off course. But, it’s most likely that I died naturally from an undiagnosed but severe occupational lung disease, that I picked up working in the cobalt processing plant at the Iron Hills Exomineral Extraction Complex, Iron Hills Industrial District. In fact, I’m actually having a hard time recording this, because I keep feeling like I need to cough, so… Ugh, sorry about that. See what I mean? This was probably a pretty stupid idea.

…And, um, I wouldn’t be doing such a stupid thing if there were any, you know, non-stupid options available to me. But with the way things are, I figure I can either die here, die on Earth, or die on the way, and it wouldn’t make much of a difference, right? And if I got to Earth, I might have lived, so there wasn‘t really a way to change things for the worse.

That’s how I wanted it to work out. It’s pretty shit that it didn’t, but hey, it was worth a shot. I did my fucking best.

I know you’re probably thinking I’m just an idiot who managed to suicide by accident, and I don’t blame you, because I am, but I think you can probably understand. It’s just so cold, and I’m so tired, and I got sick of it. I didn’t know what else to do. Earth won’t help us. I had to help myself.

If my brother survived, please, please, please take care of him. Get him to Earth for me. There are things I still have to teach him, and I don’t even know what a lot of them are yet, so… Just do your best to figure out what they are.

Okay. This next section is for him, so make sure he watches it.


*****


Kit… Hey. I’m really, really sorry about this… I know it probably doesn’t help, but for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t believe in you. I knew there was a chance this would happen, but I also knew you could take over for me and make it there yourself. And I knew you could figure out how to go on with life on your own. You’re so smart. You can land on a new world and find your way. I know you can. And I’d like to think I had some hand in that, but really, it’s all you. No one else can make you who and what you are. We all just kind of… I don’t know… Happen.

And I’m so, so proud of who you turned out to be. I wish I could have gotten to know the future you. Known what kind of man you’d become… Sorry… Excuse me for a second… I gotta…

…Just know that this isn’t me abandoning you, okay? My body gave out, and I couldn’t keep going. I wasn’t in control. If I was, I’d still be around. God, I wanted to see it all. I wanted to be there with you. You should have someone to share it with, but I couldn’t be there, and I’m so sorry. I tried. I really did. I can’t even find the words for how hard I tried.

And… And I’m sorry I never told you how bad it was… I just didn’t want you to worry about me. And I wanted to leave and get it done with, because maybe I’d be okay if I did.

Shit… I don’t know how I died, but I’m sorry you had to see it. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take that image out of your mind. Just… Look at me here, okay? Remember me like this.

I don’t want to burden you, or pressure you, because you’ve already been through enough, but please… Just try to remember how much I wanted this. Please. If you ever find yourself having a perfect moment, I need you to really enjoy it, okay? You have to love your new home enough for two people, because I’m not there, and I really wanted to be, and god, just thinking about that hurts.

So, um… Okay.

I know I keep saying it, but I’m incredibly sorry. Growing up with you was wonderful. I wish I could have seen it through the rest of the way, but I guess you get what you get, and yeah.

I love you, Kit. You need to remember that.

I love you.


*****


Yeah, so, I guess that’s…

…And if we’re both gone, I’m sorry. I fucked up. I was only trying to do what I thought was best. But I fucked it up. I killed us. That’s on me.

Okay, I guess that covers everything.


*****


Again, my name is Milo Elias Green, age twenty-one, Iron Hills, Tharsis Quadrangle, Mars.

Goodbye.


*****


I turned off the camera, put the drive in my pocket. Said goodbye to everything, just in case.

Then nudged my brother awake.
bookblather: A picture of Yomiko Readman looking at books with the text "bookgasm." (Default)

[personal profile] bookblather 2015-07-19 02:45 am (UTC)(link)
I'm so glad no one ever saw this message. It's pretty heartbreaking.
novel_machinist: (Default)

[personal profile] novel_machinist 2015-07-22 06:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh my god Milo. I love you so much, kid.
kay_brooke: A field of sunflowers against a blue sky (summer)

[personal profile] kay_brooke 2015-07-23 12:19 am (UTC)(link)
Man, just how raw and honest he is here, just a guy trying to do the right thing against all odds. I'm really glad it turned out no one had to play those messages.