There are colleges with PE requirements, and fuck them. I think for some you can at least take an actual Intro To A Sport class or fencing or something, but I imagine those require waking up at obscene hours.

(I got in trouble so much during elementary gym because asthmatic kid couldn't do the damned exercises and of course I must be disobeying deliberately just to be obtuse. Fuck. Gym.)

Also this is a good fic but I really sympathize with the character, you know? :D