Crane White #11, Fire Opal #9, Ember #7

[shadowsong26]

Name: shadowsong26
Story: Yellow Curtains
'Verse: Lux
Colors: Crane White #11. A rain cloud, a crane on the wing (The smallest things make Simon's memory flash.), Fire Opal #9. Adrenaline, Ember #7. Burn
Supplies and Materials: bichromatic, paint-by-numbers (from Kat), fingerpainting, acrylic, stain, feathers, modeling clay, pastels (my current gen + romance card B4 "taking advantage"), chalk, novelty beads (relax now), yarn, glitter ("Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It's like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. If you can control your fear, it makes you more alert, like a deer coming across the lawn." – Mike Tyson), glue ("You have strong opinions today, but expressing them might lead you into more trouble than it's worth...Acknowledge your feelings, but act on the cool rationality of raw data for the best results.")
Word Count: 390
Rating: R
Characters: Simon, Dr. Lobell
Warnings: Medical experimentation, gaslighting/torture, oblique references to previous attempted suicide and character death
Notes: Constructive criticism welcome, as always. So this...happened.

"It's all inside your head."

okay. promise?

"You won't feel a thing."

okay.

an infinite number ofneedles, waves of burningburning in his skin his brainskin brain

flashes

flashes before my eyes

a cat, a tiger, a lionacat fox wolf tree tree tree

"Anything?"

flashes

sugar, a glass of leomandecookies chocolate chip and coloredcandies oreos--sweetness comfortfood sweetsweet

burning rivers make the burning rivers stop

"Shhh, it's all in your head. The pain isn't real. We talked about this, remember? The drug will open your mind."

flashes

swirly lights and flashingfaces, girlboy house house man man man girl house kitchenkitchen

yellow curtains and stop

stopstopstopi know her iknowher i

gone

she'sgone

moving out of the the househouse green gardens sticks on the ground the ground the ground in the garden greengarden x x cross cross x x

butterflies butterflieslanding on mycheekblood

blood and horror and screaming and ithurts please please please makeitstop

"That was something there! Oh, this is wonderful. You'll see, I'll show you the scans later. I'm going to go back a bit, hold tight. You're doing so well, don't give up now."

blood and horror and screaming fading back to her, framed by the yellow yellowcurtains, holding light and nakedexceptlight and pretty. prettynotbeautiful pretty.

fading back to greengarden blood and horror and screaming and dark eyes fullofpain and

ididin'tmean it please please please stop hurting me stop hurtinghim i'll go away i'll do it i promise just take it back takeitallback i want to take it backbackbackbackbackback--

"Calm down, Simon. Focus. I need you to try, Simon. Try to remember. Go back to the yellow curtains, hold on to the yellow curtains, we'll track through the garden later."

it holds on the yellow curtains, a lifeline out of the river, away from the pounding in his head, prettylady nakedholdinglight he reaches reaches forher reaches

makeitstop

"You only think you feel it. It's just the drug. It'll wear off soon, and then you won't feel a thing. Even in your mind."

the light in her hand fades and it's a gravestone now and he can't read it he can't rememberreading reading

he can't remember

it hurts and he's tired

he croaks 'i'm sorry' and surrenders to the river.

Comments

[dray]

Oh, that's a strange sensation to be reading glitching out brainspace instead of seeing it a la, I don't know, video distortion? It's very potent.

[shadowsong26]

Thank you.

I'm glad I pulled it off.

[jkatkina]

When I was a teenager I used to write stream of consciousness stuff to process things. They came out a lot like this -- not in content (thank god) but in format.

I guess I'm saying, rad job rendering a brain that is a slave to the thoughts running through it. This is very urgent-feeling!

[shadowsong26]

Thanks.

Simon was basically put on a drug that makes it impossible to suppress things. Of course, the cause of his amnesia is stronger than the drug, so it doesn't work all that well.

[kay_brooke]

Oh, good job making this creepy and very reminiscent of thoughts running out of control. Well done!

[shadowsong26]

Thank you

[bookblather]

This doctor needs to review the Hippocratic Oath. Poor Simon.

[shadowsong26]

Dr. Lobell is highly affronted because Simon agreed to have his brain tinkered with thankyouverymuch.

...never mind that Simon is desperate and terrified and a semi-prisoner here at Red Sky soooooo.

Yeah. There's a reason Mariko's priority is getting Simon the fuck out of here as soon as she figures out exactly what's going on in Dr. Lobell's sessions.