Well Aimed Chaos (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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rainbowfic2014-08-21 01:17 am
whitemage) wrote in rainbowfic2014-08-21 01:17 am
Fever Red #6; Fire Opal #2; Surgical Steel #16
Name: Ardy
Piece/Story:commonplace
Color: Fever Red 6 - Infection; Fire Opal 2 - Insatiable; Surgical Steel 16 - organ failure
Styles/Supplies: collage using Jack’s Cry Little Sister AU ; Oils - “It’s always you.”; Interactive art
Word Count: 1405
Ratings/Warnings: PG -13, Warning - emotional abuse, destructive thinking
Summary: Xiu He gets a foothold.
“Robin?” The stairs were rough on my feet, but I hated shoes and slippers so much these days. Nothing, nothing on my feet. “Are you down here?”
Of course he’s down there. He’s always down there. He’s a cave-dwelling worm.
“Yeah! What’s--Marian? You okay?”
Marian! Marian! My dear sweet Marian!~~~ Xiu He’s tone was mocking. I shushed her. She cackled.
“Yeah! Yeah, I just…” I cleared my throat a few times. Everyone once in a while, I would catch her inflection creeping in. Maybe it was my imagination though.
Maybe I’m growing on you….
I reached the bottom of the stairs and he wheeled around a workbench on a rolling stool. “You just…?”
“Wanted to see you.” I gave him a wane smile, perching on a clear space on one of his tables.
I held my breath, but there was silence.
He laid his tools down and stared at me, hands on his lap as he studied me.
“No, really. She’s… today is a good day, I guess.”
No I’m bored.
He slowly nodded but didn’t move. I furrowed my brow and waved authoritatively. “Carry on!”
Robin smirked then. “Carry on? Really?”
I sighed and buried my face in my hands. “If you want--I’m sorry. I’ve spent too long with ‘her majesty’ here.” I poked my head.
I can nearly tolerate that title…
He shook his head and went back to work. “I’m sorry it’s taking so long to fix things.”
He’s sorry. You’re sorry. I’m the sorriest. I’m stuck inside a useless 12 year old girl.
“SHUT UP!--it’s not your fault.” I shrugged. He scrambled to steady his screwdriver at the yelling, then grimaced at me. “Sorry. My only thing is I’d like to at least get her contained before Mom’s visit.”
Robin’s screwdriver slipped, going right through the nest of wiring and frame he was working on. With a tinny clatter, the whole mess broke under his grip. He bit his lips as he swore under his breath. When he finally addressed me, it was slowly and softly. “She’s… already been here. And gone.”
Shock cut through me, and I shivered. “What? What are you saying? Did you tell her I was sick? What happened? Why didn’t she see me?” Now I was just whining, and Xiu He pointed that out. Tears were stinging my eyes and my nails scraped at the bandages on my arms where I had been digging cuts into myself at night.
I’d convinced Robin the best idea for me was to hide if I was still like this when Mom came. I was more worried about upsetting her than anything else. I wanted to hide from her. I couldn’t stand for her to see me this way. Things upset her so easily and I didn’t want her to be afraid.
But now knowing I’d missed her just… hurt.
“She… tried to see you, actually. We--don’t you remember?”
I couldn’t even try to remember at this point. When I tried to peek at my head, Xiu He seized her chance.
You terrified her. You broke her, you horrible little girl.
“What?!” I cried out more at her than at Robin. He didn’t take it that way, though, and I could almost feel him closing off.
I reached for him with one hand, gripping my head with the other as Xiu He realized she could rifle through my memories at will. He didn’t budge from his spot. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I wasn’t talking to--no, I don’t remember, I’m sorry. What happened? Did I scare her?”
“She’ll be fine.” He was using his diplomat voice.
She’ll never be fine. She’s never been fine. She’s always been sick and broken in the head like you and it’s all your fault. She sent you and Robin away because it’s all your fault. She just couldn’t stand you..
Though my head knew she was manipulating me, her adult perspective on events trumped out the slow, budding awareness I had still working into teenhood. I was going to lose this battle of the war. I already knew it.
I could let Robin stand between me and anyone else on the planet, but he couldn’t touch her from our current vantage points. I was on my own here.
You’ve been this way since the beginning. It’s all your fault, your fault. She’s scared of you. Her own child. Do you know what that does to a mother?
“No, no, you’re wrong! You’re wrong!”
Robin looked confused. “Mari?”
She’s scared, so scared of you. She wishes you had never been born! Wishes no one knew what was inside of her! Wishes she’d had normal children. She’s abandoned you now, you little freak!
“THAT’S NOT TRUE!” I jumped off the table, stamping my feet. “TAKE IT BACK! IT’S A LIE!!”
“What’s a lie?” He jumped up as well, eyes wide. “What’s she saying to you?”
Why do you think your grandparents are always upset with you? Why do you think they creep quietly around you now? They’re angry with you! Angry with what you’ve done. No one likes you. No one loves you, little brat princess. They’re just too scared of you and your little spells to do anything. Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled rotten to the core! She crowed with something like joy this time, triumphant that she’d found a way to utterly crack my head.
“NO! NO NO NO! NO NO NO! YOU’RE WRONG, YOU OLD HAG! YOU DIRTY ROTTEN, FOUL GHOST! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!” I whirled and whirled and fought the air, as if at some point I would find her standing next to me, bodily whispering things in my ear.
Robin caught me “Hey! What’s she saying to you?” His grip was tight and I twisted like a child trying to get away.
“Do you still love me, Robbie? You love me, don’t you? And Mama loves me, too…”
“Of course I do. … Of course she does.” There was only one of those he sounded certain about. One he only sounded like he wanted to believe.
I shook.
They just give and give and give into you--and that makes you weak. You watch, they’ll give up on you. They’ll all leave you alone, one by one. They’ll abandon you, they’ll regain their freedom. Especially him. He’s going to go far, far away and forget you.
And then you’ll be alllllllll mine.
I mouthed words to myself, nearly in a trance. Finally I snapped back to reality.
“What did she say to you?” His voice just sounded dark and I shivered again. I didn’t know he could do that.
It took me a while, but I finally met his gaze. “I trust you. I trust only you--I love them, but she’s not mad at them. She’s always mad at you. She’s always trying to get rid of you.”
My head was an utter mess. I really had lost to her this time, but it was a hollow victory for Xiu He. Because I’d been able to make a mental leap that gave me strength. If her inability to separate us rattled her, that meant something. We were in this together. He might actually even leave. But he’d come back. Right? Whatever he was going to do, he wasn’t going to forget about me. “I don’t know… what you’re thinking, but whatever you think can help, you just have to do it. Even if it sounds stupid.”
We’d gotten the box open. So we had the power to fix things. Didn’t we? I didn’t know anymore. But I wanted it to be so.
I started crying--I was always crying now. She was yelling. I could barely hear my own words. “She wants to destroy the whole world, Robin. She’s angry and she wants it gone, all gone. And we can’t make it go away. We can’t, we can’t. Because then, then what happens to your robots? But I just don’t know how long I can fight before it starts to sound just fine...”
I wasn’t even making sense to myself now. I only hoped he could get something out of it as I backed away, cracking my head as I crashed onto the stairs.
Piece/Story:
commonplace Color: Fever Red 6 - Infection; Fire Opal 2 - Insatiable; Surgical Steel 16 - organ failure
Styles/Supplies: collage using Jack’s Cry Little Sister AU ; Oils - “It’s always you.”; Interactive art
Word Count: 1405
Ratings/Warnings: PG -13, Warning - emotional abuse, destructive thinking
Summary: Xiu He gets a foothold.
“Robin?” The stairs were rough on my feet, but I hated shoes and slippers so much these days. Nothing, nothing on my feet. “Are you down here?”
Of course he’s down there. He’s always down there. He’s a cave-dwelling worm.
“Yeah! What’s--Marian? You okay?”
Marian! Marian! My dear sweet Marian!~~~ Xiu He’s tone was mocking. I shushed her. She cackled.
“Yeah! Yeah, I just…” I cleared my throat a few times. Everyone once in a while, I would catch her inflection creeping in. Maybe it was my imagination though.
Maybe I’m growing on you….
I reached the bottom of the stairs and he wheeled around a workbench on a rolling stool. “You just…?”
“Wanted to see you.” I gave him a wane smile, perching on a clear space on one of his tables.
I held my breath, but there was silence.
He laid his tools down and stared at me, hands on his lap as he studied me.
“No, really. She’s… today is a good day, I guess.”
No I’m bored.
He slowly nodded but didn’t move. I furrowed my brow and waved authoritatively. “Carry on!”
Robin smirked then. “Carry on? Really?”
I sighed and buried my face in my hands. “If you want--I’m sorry. I’ve spent too long with ‘her majesty’ here.” I poked my head.
I can nearly tolerate that title…
He shook his head and went back to work. “I’m sorry it’s taking so long to fix things.”
He’s sorry. You’re sorry. I’m the sorriest. I’m stuck inside a useless 12 year old girl.
“SHUT UP!--it’s not your fault.” I shrugged. He scrambled to steady his screwdriver at the yelling, then grimaced at me. “Sorry. My only thing is I’d like to at least get her contained before Mom’s visit.”
Robin’s screwdriver slipped, going right through the nest of wiring and frame he was working on. With a tinny clatter, the whole mess broke under his grip. He bit his lips as he swore under his breath. When he finally addressed me, it was slowly and softly. “She’s… already been here. And gone.”
Shock cut through me, and I shivered. “What? What are you saying? Did you tell her I was sick? What happened? Why didn’t she see me?” Now I was just whining, and Xiu He pointed that out. Tears were stinging my eyes and my nails scraped at the bandages on my arms where I had been digging cuts into myself at night.
I’d convinced Robin the best idea for me was to hide if I was still like this when Mom came. I was more worried about upsetting her than anything else. I wanted to hide from her. I couldn’t stand for her to see me this way. Things upset her so easily and I didn’t want her to be afraid.
But now knowing I’d missed her just… hurt.
“She… tried to see you, actually. We--don’t you remember?”
I couldn’t even try to remember at this point. When I tried to peek at my head, Xiu He seized her chance.
You terrified her. You broke her, you horrible little girl.
“What?!” I cried out more at her than at Robin. He didn’t take it that way, though, and I could almost feel him closing off.
I reached for him with one hand, gripping my head with the other as Xiu He realized she could rifle through my memories at will. He didn’t budge from his spot. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I wasn’t talking to--no, I don’t remember, I’m sorry. What happened? Did I scare her?”
“She’ll be fine.” He was using his diplomat voice.
She’ll never be fine. She’s never been fine. She’s always been sick and broken in the head like you and it’s all your fault. She sent you and Robin away because it’s all your fault. She just couldn’t stand you..
Though my head knew she was manipulating me, her adult perspective on events trumped out the slow, budding awareness I had still working into teenhood. I was going to lose this battle of the war. I already knew it.
I could let Robin stand between me and anyone else on the planet, but he couldn’t touch her from our current vantage points. I was on my own here.
You’ve been this way since the beginning. It’s all your fault, your fault. She’s scared of you. Her own child. Do you know what that does to a mother?
“No, no, you’re wrong! You’re wrong!”
Robin looked confused. “Mari?”
She’s scared, so scared of you. She wishes you had never been born! Wishes no one knew what was inside of her! Wishes she’d had normal children. She’s abandoned you now, you little freak!
“THAT’S NOT TRUE!” I jumped off the table, stamping my feet. “TAKE IT BACK! IT’S A LIE!!”
“What’s a lie?” He jumped up as well, eyes wide. “What’s she saying to you?”
Why do you think your grandparents are always upset with you? Why do you think they creep quietly around you now? They’re angry with you! Angry with what you’ve done. No one likes you. No one loves you, little brat princess. They’re just too scared of you and your little spells to do anything. Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled rotten to the core! She crowed with something like joy this time, triumphant that she’d found a way to utterly crack my head.
“NO! NO NO NO! NO NO NO! YOU’RE WRONG, YOU OLD HAG! YOU DIRTY ROTTEN, FOUL GHOST! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!” I whirled and whirled and fought the air, as if at some point I would find her standing next to me, bodily whispering things in my ear.
Robin caught me “Hey! What’s she saying to you?” His grip was tight and I twisted like a child trying to get away.
“Do you still love me, Robbie? You love me, don’t you? And Mama loves me, too…”
“Of course I do. … Of course she does.” There was only one of those he sounded certain about. One he only sounded like he wanted to believe.
I shook.
They just give and give and give into you--and that makes you weak. You watch, they’ll give up on you. They’ll all leave you alone, one by one. They’ll abandon you, they’ll regain their freedom. Especially him. He’s going to go far, far away and forget you.
And then you’ll be alllllllll mine.
I mouthed words to myself, nearly in a trance. Finally I snapped back to reality.
“What did she say to you?” His voice just sounded dark and I shivered again. I didn’t know he could do that.
It took me a while, but I finally met his gaze. “I trust you. I trust only you--I love them, but she’s not mad at them. She’s always mad at you. She’s always trying to get rid of you.”
My head was an utter mess. I really had lost to her this time, but it was a hollow victory for Xiu He. Because I’d been able to make a mental leap that gave me strength. If her inability to separate us rattled her, that meant something. We were in this together. He might actually even leave. But he’d come back. Right? Whatever he was going to do, he wasn’t going to forget about me. “I don’t know… what you’re thinking, but whatever you think can help, you just have to do it. Even if it sounds stupid.”
We’d gotten the box open. So we had the power to fix things. Didn’t we? I didn’t know anymore. But I wanted it to be so.
I started crying--I was always crying now. She was yelling. I could barely hear my own words. “She wants to destroy the whole world, Robin. She’s angry and she wants it gone, all gone. And we can’t make it go away. We can’t, we can’t. Because then, then what happens to your robots? But I just don’t know how long I can fight before it starts to sound just fine...”
I wasn’t even making sense to myself now. I only hoped he could get something out of it as I backed away, cracking my head as I crashed onto the stairs.
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They have their own lives and their own wants and perspectives, but no matter what happens, it seems like they always end up together to regroup. They confide in each other. It's just so nice to see that kind of relationship in siblings. Because I feel like it's that mix of shared traits and unique environmental experiences that lets them be good sounding boards for each other.
(Though Marian eventually feels guilty because she feels like Robin gives her more help than she can give him.)
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And what sorcery is this that her interjected dialogue has left this story STILL TOTALLY READABLE.
Yes. I like this. As horrible as it is, I like it. Good show!
no subject
High praise! I'm humbled. XD