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rainbowfic2014-08-13 06:14 pm
bookblather) wrote in rainbowfic2014-08-13 06:14 pm
Mystic Beach Blue 9, Azul 5: Reasons to Live
Author: Kat
Title: Reasons to Live
Story: Shine Like It Does
Colors: Mystic beach blue 9 (here), azul 5 (Champion) with shipwreck_light's paint-by-numbers (Five reasons Miranda had to live.)
Supplies and Materials: Acrylic (A thousand faces in the trees today/Staring for too long/Lived and they were gone./Please take my photo by the woods and say/Always knew me well, screaming like a bell/In one more hour I'll be gone/It takes too much to get along -Tropical Yeti Song; The Pharmacy), oils (I've never met anyone like you), glitter ("We all have something to hide, some dark place inside us we don't want the world to see. So we pretend that everything's okay, wrapping ourselves in rainbows. That's all for the best, because some of these places are darker than others.." – Michael C. Hall, in Dexter), glue (Your path is opening up and you are, at least temporarily, aware of your destiny.), novelty beads (If it wasn't for the fun and money, I really don't know why I'd bother. - Terry Pratchett)
Word Count: 965
Rating: PG
Summary: Miranda's reasons to live.
Warnings: discussion of suicide, loss of a child, and knife violence.
Notes: I got a surprising amount of insight into Miranda with this.
The first thing she thinks of is spite.
It's petty and selfish, but it's the first reason nevertheless. She has never once followed someone else's orders, not unless it suited her own purposes. Why should she now lie down and die because someone else has told her to? A knife in the gut is a more persuasive argument than most, but it's still only an argument.
Her life is her own. She will keep it, or not, as she chooses. If someone tries to force her to die, she will live out of pure spite.
That's the first reason, anyway. It is far from the last.
--
Her work. She is so very good at her job. In law school she didn't make many friends but she got excellent grades, and she makes even fewer friends now but she gets the job done. Emily calls her a bitch with deep admiration. She calls Emily a shark with the same admiration. It's a good thing they're not in the same line of work, exactly-- she'd hate to face Emily in court.
And if she dies she never will. So there's that.
But she is very good at her job. She's not a name partner, not yet, but she will be when her mother chooses to retire. What will the firm do without a Hennessy? They'll get by, perhaps, but they can't get by without her to do her work, to manage her clients and attract new ones and whip the associates into shape. If she dies, the firm will fall apart. Her clients will be lost, the lawyers and paralegals she supervises without any kind of direction. Heaven knows her mother won't be able to get anything done, and the firm's other partners will have their own problems.
She could truly not care less what happens to some of her clients, but some of them don't deserve to get lost in the shuffle.
So she won't let them. It is that simple.
--
If someone had asked her whether she liked her life, before this happened, she would have said yes without a thought. Why should her answer have been anything different? She enjoys her work—when she doesn't need to interact too much with some of the firm's clients. She has wonderful friends—only a handful of them, yes, but the best friends anyone could want. She loves her family, both immediate and extended—at least, her Mexican family; most of the Hennessys she could happily have done without. She's happy.
If she goes home to an empty bed most nights, so what? Many people do. Most people. Those who have lovers, she thinks most of them would be better off without. If she wants physical satisfaction, she only needs to dress up a little and go find a bar where no one knows her, flutter her eyelashes a little and pick a man. If she wants affection, she has her siblings. It's not traditional, but it works for her.
If, sometimes, she wonders if there's a little more to it, if she envies her parents and wishes for something like what they have, well, nobody's perfect, and no one can have everything.
So, yes, she likes her life, and she would like to go on living it. Even if nothing ever changes, even if she spends the rest of her life distant and mostly untouchable, she'd still like to go on living.
--
There's other reasons. Her sister and brother, of course. Her parents. Her father said to her once that no parent should ever have to outlive their own child-- he was talking about his own parents, trying to bring her to a little sympathy for her Grandmother Hennessy. That never did work, but she knows that if people like Nancy and Thomas Hennessy could be hurt by the loss of a child, her own parents will be devastated. She is their firstborn, just like her long-dead uncle, and she is so much more loved than she thinks her father ever was.
And her siblings.
Charlotte will survive it, she thinks. Charlotte looks frail but she is so much more resilient than anyone really knows, even perhaps Charlotte herself. Miranda would never thank the world for what it has done to her sister, but it has given Charlotte practice in surviving, in breathing through the pain and moving on and living. For all his bravado Jack is much more fragile. If her death destroys anyone, it will be him.
She does not want to hurt her parents. She does not want to cause her sister pain. More than anything, she does not want to be the long red wounds on her brother's wrists.
--
Then there's the reason she won't discuss, can barely even admit to herself. She's left him, after all.
She was so sure, when she left him, that it was the right thing to do. So certain. He was such a good man, after all, and she was nothing of a good woman. He deserved better than her, but he said he loved her, and so she left him. It was the only kind thing to do.
As if kindness had anything to do with it.
She's a coward. She left him because he terrifies her, not for any altruistic reasons. He loves her, or he says he does, but he doesn't know her, not really. He doesn't know her dark side, her weaknesses and her ruthlessness. If he knew her, he would run away screaming. She's afraid that he'll leave her.
But if he stays. If she lives, and she apologizes, and he stays-- she could have another reason, a stronger one, one she can tell the world. They're more than sufficient already, her reasons, but... but.
You can never have too many reasons to live.
Title: Reasons to Live
Story: Shine Like It Does
Colors: Mystic beach blue 9 (here), azul 5 (Champion) with shipwreck_light's paint-by-numbers (Five reasons Miranda had to live.)
Supplies and Materials: Acrylic (A thousand faces in the trees today/Staring for too long/Lived and they were gone./Please take my photo by the woods and say/Always knew me well, screaming like a bell/In one more hour I'll be gone/It takes too much to get along -Tropical Yeti Song; The Pharmacy), oils (I've never met anyone like you), glitter ("We all have something to hide, some dark place inside us we don't want the world to see. So we pretend that everything's okay, wrapping ourselves in rainbows. That's all for the best, because some of these places are darker than others.." – Michael C. Hall, in Dexter), glue (Your path is opening up and you are, at least temporarily, aware of your destiny.), novelty beads (If it wasn't for the fun and money, I really don't know why I'd bother. - Terry Pratchett)
Word Count: 965
Rating: PG
Summary: Miranda's reasons to live.
Warnings: discussion of suicide, loss of a child, and knife violence.
Notes: I got a surprising amount of insight into Miranda with this.
The first thing she thinks of is spite.
It's petty and selfish, but it's the first reason nevertheless. She has never once followed someone else's orders, not unless it suited her own purposes. Why should she now lie down and die because someone else has told her to? A knife in the gut is a more persuasive argument than most, but it's still only an argument.
Her life is her own. She will keep it, or not, as she chooses. If someone tries to force her to die, she will live out of pure spite.
That's the first reason, anyway. It is far from the last.
--
Her work. She is so very good at her job. In law school she didn't make many friends but she got excellent grades, and she makes even fewer friends now but she gets the job done. Emily calls her a bitch with deep admiration. She calls Emily a shark with the same admiration. It's a good thing they're not in the same line of work, exactly-- she'd hate to face Emily in court.
And if she dies she never will. So there's that.
But she is very good at her job. She's not a name partner, not yet, but she will be when her mother chooses to retire. What will the firm do without a Hennessy? They'll get by, perhaps, but they can't get by without her to do her work, to manage her clients and attract new ones and whip the associates into shape. If she dies, the firm will fall apart. Her clients will be lost, the lawyers and paralegals she supervises without any kind of direction. Heaven knows her mother won't be able to get anything done, and the firm's other partners will have their own problems.
She could truly not care less what happens to some of her clients, but some of them don't deserve to get lost in the shuffle.
So she won't let them. It is that simple.
--
If someone had asked her whether she liked her life, before this happened, she would have said yes without a thought. Why should her answer have been anything different? She enjoys her work—when she doesn't need to interact too much with some of the firm's clients. She has wonderful friends—only a handful of them, yes, but the best friends anyone could want. She loves her family, both immediate and extended—at least, her Mexican family; most of the Hennessys she could happily have done without. She's happy.
If she goes home to an empty bed most nights, so what? Many people do. Most people. Those who have lovers, she thinks most of them would be better off without. If she wants physical satisfaction, she only needs to dress up a little and go find a bar where no one knows her, flutter her eyelashes a little and pick a man. If she wants affection, she has her siblings. It's not traditional, but it works for her.
If, sometimes, she wonders if there's a little more to it, if she envies her parents and wishes for something like what they have, well, nobody's perfect, and no one can have everything.
So, yes, she likes her life, and she would like to go on living it. Even if nothing ever changes, even if she spends the rest of her life distant and mostly untouchable, she'd still like to go on living.
--
There's other reasons. Her sister and brother, of course. Her parents. Her father said to her once that no parent should ever have to outlive their own child-- he was talking about his own parents, trying to bring her to a little sympathy for her Grandmother Hennessy. That never did work, but she knows that if people like Nancy and Thomas Hennessy could be hurt by the loss of a child, her own parents will be devastated. She is their firstborn, just like her long-dead uncle, and she is so much more loved than she thinks her father ever was.
And her siblings.
Charlotte will survive it, she thinks. Charlotte looks frail but she is so much more resilient than anyone really knows, even perhaps Charlotte herself. Miranda would never thank the world for what it has done to her sister, but it has given Charlotte practice in surviving, in breathing through the pain and moving on and living. For all his bravado Jack is much more fragile. If her death destroys anyone, it will be him.
She does not want to hurt her parents. She does not want to cause her sister pain. More than anything, she does not want to be the long red wounds on her brother's wrists.
--
Then there's the reason she won't discuss, can barely even admit to herself. She's left him, after all.
She was so sure, when she left him, that it was the right thing to do. So certain. He was such a good man, after all, and she was nothing of a good woman. He deserved better than her, but he said he loved her, and so she left him. It was the only kind thing to do.
As if kindness had anything to do with it.
She's a coward. She left him because he terrifies her, not for any altruistic reasons. He loves her, or he says he does, but he doesn't know her, not really. He doesn't know her dark side, her weaknesses and her ruthlessness. If he knew her, he would run away screaming. She's afraid that he'll leave her.
But if he stays. If she lives, and she apologizes, and he stays-- she could have another reason, a stronger one, one she can tell the world. They're more than sufficient already, her reasons, but... but.
You can never have too many reasons to live.