shipwreck_light: (Default)
Shipwreck Light ([personal profile] shipwreck_light) wrote in [community profile] rainbowfic 2014-05-07 03:58 am (UTC)

You are so welcome.

OK- "And where would you rather be right now?" to "not like you can sleep next to it." was particularly sticky.

The subsequent conversation with Peace is better, but still a bit fuzzy in places. Now, the one between Kevin and Peace is fine.

For the first one, it does come off like Dmitry's tired and sort of muddling along, which is cool, but it doesn't quite gel. If it was pudding, I'd probably still eat it, but with a straw.

As a suggestion, Dmitry sounds like Dmitry when he talks. Some of the others melt into each other a bit, speech-pattern-wise. I'm not sure if that's something you'd have any interest in tweaking since it is an ongoing study in listening to yourself talk and you could work around it with good results.

Post a comment in response:

This account has disabled anonymous posting.
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
More info about formatting