I feel for Telri. There isn't much worse in a relationship (well, a good relationship) than feeling like you have to be a secret from your partner's family. She's quite magnanimous about it, she must be a pretty tough person!
I admit I giggled a little when it was like "they finally found a dilapidated shed to sleep in" and then her first, most pressing question is WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR PARENTS. Without any context for the story, it was like, you're having to hunt for sheds to sleep in and that's your biggest worry?
I do have a tiny crit, though it's more of a question:
"Mm?" he was almost asleep, and he didn't bother opening his eyes.
Should "he" be capitalized? I realize that being after a question mark in quotations doesn't necessitate capitalization -- I only make the suggestion because "Mm?" and "he was almost..." seem like two separate sentences.
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I admit I giggled a little when it was like "they finally found a dilapidated shed to sleep in" and then her first, most pressing question is WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR PARENTS. Without any context for the story, it was like, you're having to hunt for sheds to sleep in and that's your biggest worry?
I do have a tiny crit, though it's more of a question:
"Mm?" he was almost asleep, and he didn't bother opening his eyes.
Should "he" be capitalized? I realize that being after a question mark in quotations doesn't necessitate capitalization -- I only make the suggestion because "Mm?" and "he was almost..." seem like two separate sentences.