Nice to see the rest of this segment! And the alternate universe where he is a soldier at the quay is the same one that's been mentioned a couple times before, I guess. I'm interested to see how he gets out of this one.
This sentence at the beginning of the first flashback is a little strange: He'd surveyed his small group of acolytes. It initially made me think you might be retelling them in past perfect, but the rest of the tenses are simple past (except for stuff that happened even before the flashbacks).
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Nice to see the rest of this segment! And the alternate universe where he is a soldier at the quay is the same one that's been mentioned a couple times before, I guess. I'm interested to see how he gets out of this one.
This sentence at the beginning of the first flashback is a little strange: He'd surveyed his small group of acolytes. It initially made me think you might be retelling them in past perfect, but the rest of the tenses are simple past (except for stuff that happened even before the flashbacks).