to have loved and lost

[himejoshiheart]

hi it's me chibi welcome to jackass
characters: this story features dear Fubaki(&) and the nameless people around her
colors: red (seeing red), blue (feeling blue)
styles n supplies: chiaroscuro
warnings: protag gets asked by a former friend if perhaps she deserves being called out for incest shipping. which. might be triggering for some with bad friendship experiences

"Well, perhaps it's for a good reason, y'know?" The barkeep gave Fubaki's head a pat, and she gritted her teeth in response. "You're always asking why people don't like you and why they keep leaving, so why not take a peep at that ol' poster?"

"... I don't wanna think about it." I don't want you talking like it's something fucking good that they've got a poster up warning people to avoid me. Fubaki growled.

"I mean… They're brothers, Fubaki!" They chattered on as if it's her in the wrong. "You shipping them is like if you loved that one finale- y'know, the one that framed the abuse victim as needing to understand his abuser, and then he died and saw a vision with random footage and completely understood, and then they all died and got amnesia and it implied he was gonna get abused forever, and also it made at least one of your friends suicidal for a bit-and thought it did nothing wrong! Like, 'actions not matching up with words' much?"

Fubaki sighed, and walked off, frustrated.

"Seeya later!" They waved, unaware of their wrongdoing. "Remember! I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed!"

"Fuckin' barkeep." Fubaki muttered. "Lives in a fuckin' rainbows and sunshine world where everyone has a golden heart or somethin'"

… Really a shame. Julia appeared, floating beside her sister. To think not even a year is long enough to keep someone…

"... At least we still have…" Fubaki pulled out a heart locket from her pocket, and opened it. "... Them. My beloved…"

"... Fubaki…" Her beloved mumbled. "... This is horrible… That awful poster…"

Fubaki sat down and took her beloved's hand in her own. "... At least it's just there." She said. "Not anywhere else I go. Just the people there who know it and believe it without question…"

"Such awful things those posters are!" They sniffled. "Grabbing every straw reachable- every little thing… And for what? To paint a target on someone's back? It says just to ignore them, but…"

"... Isolation's just as hellish." Fubaki muttered. "Or perhaps I'm just too fuckshit extroverted for a place like this… At least I have you, my beloved…"

"... But I-"

"... No matter how much you hate yourself, I still fucking love you. Don't forget it, ok?"

The council decided to ban the harpy girl from entering this place for one week, but… she deserved to be exiled for what she did. A traitor- someone Fubaki was a fool and idiot to trust.

At least handing a friend on the council some bits and pieces she had taken pictures of the poster before it got ripped down (and some proof her own traitor had that even clued in the harpy girl's whole involvement in the thing-) led to this… vague illusion of justice.

"Was I a fool to trust her?"

"You're 17." A friend answered, with a playful flick on the head.

She misses the barkeep, but they want her to change.

The rain is merciless. The barkeep is not an option.

Somehow, her heart isn't dulled enough. Somehow, she is used to it enough to feel like a fool when the inevitable happens, yet…

Somehow, she still cries. Blue under the rain.

She trusted the harpy, like a fucking idiot.

Isn't this situation meant to be the opposite? A stupid fucking annoying 17 year old kid (Fubaki herself, the catgirl's ears flattened in hostility) writing up a poster nitpicking every err and wrong by a couple of 20-somethings and even a 30 year old harpy person just vaguely gendering around, and then the adults laugh and go on their day.

But no. She's the target, it's their ire, but they're still laughing, even as she sees such furious red.

Aren't you people adults? You should know better than this! Treating me like a plaything! Everyone going along with it… Every bit and every err… Every annoyance painted as if I had committed a murder… I might as well have with the way I'll be remembered there!... In the place I love the most… It had to be this way… Because of course it had. It's me.

… She could have shown she heard a stick break. Were they following her?

"To have loved and lost…" She muttered. "... To have loved and lost…"

Fubaki, crying, curled up and wished, for the umpteenth time, that she lived in a much, much better world…