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rainbowfic2013-05-28 03:04 am
shadowsong26) wrote in rainbowfic2013-05-28 03:04 am
Sherry #8, Wedding Dress White
Name: shadowsong26
Story: Choice
'Verse: Feredar
Colors: Sherry #8. I'm ceded -- I've stopped being Their's --, Wedding Dress White
Supplies and Materials: saturation, eraser (Desshiri AU), oils, stain, feathers, modeling clay, pastels (my current gen + romance card, O3 "building (verb)"), chalk, novelty beads (knots), glitter ("Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you… but trusting them not to." – Unknown),
Word Count: 3256
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Desshiri, Andrell, Kesshare, Riluke, Nolani, Ineku, Kes
Warnings: References to torture and enslavement, phantom sensations, some internalized ableism
Notes: Constructive criticism welcome, as always.
1. proposal
"You wouldn't want to marry the King of Feredar, would you?" The question was abrupt, and irritated, and did not bode well for the immediate future.
Desshiri stared at her mother for a long moment. "Does this...does he want me, or does the Grand Duke not want Nolani for him?"
"You would have to ask the young man what he feels," she said, with a certain coolness that Desshiri knew, from experience, meant trouble ahead. She had always been more likely than either of her sisters to cross her mother. Nolani was too wrapped up in being The Heir for overt defiance and Kirana would cooperate to her face and then do what she'd planned for herself anyway as soon as Mother's back was turned. But Desshiri would argue, for the same reckless impulsivity that had gotten her arrested in Feredar in the first place.
"I would...I need some time to think," Desshiri said.
From the way Mother's mouth thinned, this was not the answer she had wanted or expected. "Very well."
2. fancy dress
Desshiri studied herself in the mirror, and imagined herself in full regalia, dripping with lace and gems and heavy silk brocades (which she knew she'd hate; maybe she'd be able to influence fashion into something lighter and more practical), as Queen of Feredar.
It was, from what she understood, an even less involved role than the royal consort had in Glass. It was entirely dependant on the King's opinion of his wife. Queen Nida, when she lived, had been a part of her husband's administration. Queen Fera had been a ghost.
Desshiri didn't really want either life for herself. She didn't want to be the focus of court politics, or fashion, or any of the other things queens in Feredar got up to. But she didn't want to be invisible. She'd almost rather be mocked and hated than ignored.
Maybe she could find a middle ground. Maybe King Andrell would give her that. Like Mother did with Father--she needed him for certain court functions, and of course for the production of heirs, but she mostly let him go his own way, have his life as a doctor. Maybe she could even have more--not quite what his parents had had, she was more realistic than that, but...some kind of affection.
If she could have an arrangement like that, somewhere in the middle of being the focus or a ghost, and some kind of affection from her husband, life as Queen of Feredar might not be too bad.
5. bouquet
"I have to know what you want," Desshiri said. "I have to..." She schooled her hands to stillness, so as to not draw attention to her tingling incompleteness. "Are you doing this purely to check my mother's plans?"
He shook his head. "It...on my end, at least, it's not much to do with your mother." He sighed. "Everyone...you have to understand, the only thing everyone there in the room agrees on is that I must marry you or one of your sisters. Your mother wants Princess Nolani, Heartwood wants you, and the Grand Duke agrees. No one's so far suggested Princess Kirana--"
"They won't," Desshiri said. "And even if they did, Mother would shoot her down directly. She's chosen a celibate order and already taken her vows there.." And she can't be allowed to leave Glass, not with her gift.
Andrell nodded, but didn't say anything else.
"So what is it, on your end?" she asked, gripping her skirt to avoid rubbing where her leg ended.
"I want...I want to not have to fight another war," he said. "I...I don't know what I wish for. But whichever of you they decide, I will accept. Because I have to."
Desshiri took a deep breath. "Thank you for your honesty," she said, with a slight bow, and left him there.
14. maid of honor
"Do you want him?" Desshiri asked.
Nolani smiled wryly. "I won't say I haven't considered him. But...I don't know." She sighed. "I'm more concerned about what Mother wants. I don't think it'll go well for either of us if the representatives choose you."
Desshiri nodded. "What do you think she's planning?"
"Honestly?" Nolani thought for a minute. "I think...I think she wants something bigger than an alliance. Otherwise it makes no sense to push me. She wants the inheritance hassle."
"She wants an empire."
Nolani nodded.
Desshiri shivered, and pulled her cloak closer around herself. "Which means, if I agree and the council overrules her..." She didn't want to think about it. Murder was hardly beyond her mother's capabilities, and if Nolani's heirs stood in the way of her larger goals...
"Don't worry about that," Nolani said. "I can handle myself, and I'll find a way to protect my children, if I have any."
Desshiri nodded, and changed the subject. But she couldn't help but think--Nolani sounded so sure she could do it, but...
Even Uncle King couldn't save his children from Mother.
4. wedding china
Desshiri knew she couldn't trust this to a letter, but Riluke had been granted permission, by the Lady of the Islands and by Mother as Uncle Amassa's representative, to leave her post and visit here.
"What concerns you?" Riluke asked, when they found a time and place to be alone.
"I..." Desshiri trailed off. "I never wanted to marry. I never...I don't like the idea of that much..." She hesitated, but Riluke nodded, seeming to grasp what she meant. Grateful she didn't actually have to say it, Desshiri went on. "It's almost worse, that I already know him. We fought together, during the Siege, and..."
"Was there something there?" Riluke asked.
"I don't...I don't know," Desshiri said. Exploring how she actually felt about King Andrell--or, to be fair, any subject of real personal significance--was like tiptoeing along cracks in the floor. Even she wasn't that reckless. "I...it's...he got me out of there, on his aunt's orders, and...he was always supportive. But..."
"He's too tied to where he comes from?" her cousin tried.
Desshiri nodded. "That, and..." She sighed. "He doesn't...he doesn't want me. I always thought that...if I ever did marry, I would find a way to make sure that he, whoever he might be, wanted me."
"How can you be sure?" Riluke asked.
"He as good as told me," Desshiri said, surprising herself with how much it hurt. "He told me it didn't matter to him whether the treaty stipulated he marry me or 'Lani, he'd accept it whichever way it went."
Riluke was quiet for a moment, considering this. "I don't know him, so I can't say for sure, but...if he did want you, I don't know that he'd come out and say it. Given the way things are falling out, he'll have to accept whatever the treaty says. And if he openly declares a preference, that will make things difficult for him. Especially since your mother and the Grand Duke are opposed on this, and he's caught in the middle, in more ways than one."
Desshiri hadn't thought of that reasoning. "...do you think I should say yes?" she finally asked.
"I think," Riluke said carefully, "that you should consider very carefully all the consequences of both options. Not just the emotional ones--you've thought through those, I can tell. You will be in very real physical danger, and given..." Riluke delicately broke off, but it was enough for Desshiri to remember her last stay in Andrell's capital.
She shivered, and nodded. "Thank you. For helping, and...and for being here."
Riluke smiled. "Of course."
13. best man
She'd had to resort to letters for her father's advice--he hadn't been able to come with them, and Mother wanted him to stay where he was.
Darling, his letter said,
I think you overestimate the danger to your sister's children--but I will not pretend that they will be perfectly safe, either way the treaty goes. Either way the treaty goes, there will be advantages and difficulties, both here at home and abroad. I beg you to focus your decision on whether or not you would be happy living with a husband whose affections may not be all you had hoped. Especially in that place.
More than anything, I want you to be happy. We'll deal with the rest as it comes.
Desshiri refolded the letter and slid it into her sleeve. Father had said exactly what she'd expected, and his advice--though kind and with the best of intentions--wasn't particularly helpful. Still, reading his words, imagining his voice, made her feel warm inside, as it always did.
Even if Father wasn't particularly helpful as an adviser, he did make the whole problem seem a little bit less difficult.
187
10. chapel
Kirana's letter came without Desshiri asking for it. Hopeful for some clue as to the right choice, she opened the letter.
It was disappointingly short.
I can't say much, because there have to be rules, I need boundaries, but I know what you're worrying about. And even if I would tell you everything, I couldn't. From this fork there are thousands of others, and most of them have little to do with you. All I can say is, whichever you decide, there will be pain, and there will be joy. It just comes in different ways.
I love you, and I pray for you,
Kirana.
Which was very unhelpful and raised more questions than it answers. Typical.
Desshiri sighed, and carefully burned the letter before Mother could find it.
She still had no idea what to do.
12. witnesses
Desshiri would gain, if this actually happened, an enormous family, with baggage and scheming at least to equal hers. Add to that that most of them would either despise her or want to use her, and the unsafe feeling she got every time she seriously considered her answer grew with each passing moment.
She felt the crowd of sisters-in-law, nephews, nieces, pouring in on her, and the worst of it would be that she couldn't leave. Perhaps she'd be allowed to visit her homeland--especially if, as she feared, her mother limited the succession to create an empire--but every other avenue would be completely closed off.
The fear choked her, but the lead weights of conniving people and no freedom and never being able to see all of the things she wished to see and all of the things she didn't know to wish for yet...
And yet...
At least his oldest sister--older than her mother, frightening thought--would be on her side. And the next sister wanted, according to Riluke's spies, stability more than anything else. And Andrell himself...
If she had to marry, she could do worse than him.
She just wasn't entirely certain whether it was worth being trapped in that city again.
7. exchanging rings
The court worried Desshiri the most. Not that ordinary people couldn't be dangerous, but that they'd be in the best position to hurt her. And they'd have their own set of rules, and customs, and even if she weren't a mage, she have difficulty surviving in a foreign court.
She had enough trouble in the one she'd grown up in.
And, from what she knew, kings of Feredar mostly married within their borders, though sometimes princesses left to secure treaties and alliances. She wouldn't be totally unique in that, but she'd be the first in over a century.
Well, that wasn't exactly the trouble, if Desshiri was totally honest with herself. She craved adventure and new experiences. And maybe that would be a way to keep herself invested--teaching herself how to survive in a totally new vipers' nest, with customs and history she had only a vague knowledge of, full of prickly high-born people just waiting for her to put a foot wrong.
She smiled a little to herself at that. It wasn't quite setting off a dragon in a crowded marketplace, but, when she thought of it that way, it was almost as thrilling.
3. reception
The Grand Duke held some sort of Function or other every so often while he was hosting the talks, likely to keep disputes at the actual discussions to a minimum by keeping all the representatives and their staff and families happy.
Desshiri hated them. She couldn't dance, and everyone speculated why her mother had brought her, and a few people, eager to further ties from their houses to her own, had even proposed marriage (though that, at least, had tapered off some).
But even with that respite, ever since the topic of King Andrell's marriage had become central to the talks, she hated them even more.
Everyone watched her, whispered behind fans trying to guess what she'd decide, and how it would play out for the rest of the world. She heard one couple placing an actual bet on it.
Of course, Mother wouldn't let her skip these events. She was in her element, charming everyone she needed charmed, laying groundwork for gods-alone-knew what scheme that wouldn't pay off for ten years or more.
Dodging another eager diplomat who wanted to persuade her to one answer or the other, Desshiri headed out onto the balcony and closed her eyes, breathing in the breeze off the ocean.
6. throwing rice
To clear her head, Desshiri went out into the city, alone, to one of the dockside taverns. The sort of place she loved for the thrill of it, even acknowledging afterwards how much of a bad idea going down there probably was. Even though nothing had happened to her yet in such a place...
Much to her surprise, there was a familiar person gambling over darts.
"...Kes Hantree?"
She looked up. "Who's askin'?"
Desshiri made a light, to illuminate her face a little more clearly, and the Islander grinned.
"Well, imagin runnin' into you down here."
"I was just exploring. Can I join you?" Desshiri asked.
"Sure, why not?" Kes said, sliding over. "Hidin' from someone, or just bored up at the palace?"
"A little of both," Desshiri admitted. "I'll buy the next round?"
"Sure," Kes said, with a small smile.
Desshiri considered asking her for her opinion--Kes was a complete outsider, and would have a much more practical perspective on the whole issue than anyone else--but put aside that idea.
Because Kes was right, she was more interested in hiding right now. So, she'd indulge in some ale, maybe win some money at darts, talk to a few interesting strangers--with Kes to watch her back and make sure they both got out safe as an added bonus. For tonight, Desshiri thought she'd just enjoy the moment. Especially since she was considering giving this kind of thing up.
Tomorrow she could decide, she thought, as she flung a dart and was just a hair away from the brightly-colored center.
There would be enough of that tomorrow.
8. getting married in the morning
"It has been nearly a week, Desshiri," her mother said, sharply. "We cannot make much more progress without your answer."
Desshiri flushed, but refused to look down. "I know, Mother," she said. "I know how important this is, believe me."
"But you still don't have an answer."
"I'm still considering," she said. "There's a lot that goes into this."
"It is a simple question."
"But it's not a simple answer."
Her mother chewed that over for a minute, and seemed...almost impressed. Likely to combat her though Desshiri was, she was fairly sure her mother had expected her to give in long before this, one way or the other. It was a strange feeling--not quite pride, but something more than satisfaction in the tool that had been made.
"When will you have it?" she finally asked.
Desshiri thought for a moment. "Three days. I'll have an answer for you in three days."
"See that you do." Her voice was sharp as ice.
Impressed or not, Desshiri knew that her mother was far from pleased by it.
15. you may now kiss the bride/groom
Would he make her happy? That was what her father wanted, and...well, Nolani had protected and saved her so many times, that it was less difficult to believe she'd be able to save her own children the more Desshiri thought about it. And if the politics were equally chancy either way, then the only question really was whether he would make her happy.
Despite where they would be living.
Despite having Lady Rema and her well-intentioned vipers in her family.
The truth was...the truth was, Desshiri didn't hate Andrell. She enjoyed his company--he was intelligent, and kind, and would make a good king. And maybe he would let her at least range throughout his kingdom, exploring the little-known corners of the forests and mountains. And he had saved her before, the same way Nolani had.
That was a powerful thing, putting him in that category in her head.
She knew she could do worse than Andrell. And she knew it would be hard--so, so painfully hard.
But she didn't think she could do better. And if he was willing, they could make it work.
She just didn't know his mind well enough to be sure.
She had to speak with him again. She had to know.
9. eloping
"I answered your question before," Andrell said.
"Not really," Desshiri said. "I mean...yes, you answered the question I asked, but not the one I meant to ask."
"I can't read your mind," he said, dryly.
She flushed. "I know. And I'm sorry, I should have been clearer. I just..." She sighed. "Would I make you happy?"
He blinked. "I...Highness, I've only seen you at war, and in prison," he said. "I'm not sure I should judge my future happiness based on how you behave in terrible circumstances."
He had a point there.
Still, Desshiri couldn't resist pressing. "Then you've seen me at some of the lowest points in my life."
"But you won't be like that all the time. And I don't know...I don't know what you want, either." He ran a hand through his hair. "Would I make you happy?"
Desshiri winced. She'd been hoping he wouldn't turn it on her like that. "Of...of all the men I know, of all the potential...of all the potential husbands I've met...if I had to choose one, it would probably be you. But...but there's so much I haven't seen, so I don't know if..."
"Let's rephrase your question," Andrell interrupted. "If we took away all the rest--if the fates of nations weren't resting on your answer, if we were just...if we were just a man and a woman, who'd seen war together, and could go off to a tiny farm in the middle of nowhere and live our lives...would you accept me?"
"If you asked, and you wanted to be with me?"
"Yes."
Desshiri took a breath. "Then yes."
He flushed then. "Then I think you would make me happy."
"We can't do that, you know. Take all the politics out of it."
"I know." He tentatively reached for her hand, and she let him.
"It would be nice, though. If we could."
He squeezed her hand in silent answer.
11. certificate
Desshiri paused outside the room her mother had been assigned, and steeled herself for the upcoming battle.
So much remained unresolved--not least what might happen to her hypothetical nieces and nephews, and her own children, and her nightmares, and...
But there was time to work all of that out.
And it might all be for nothing. Mother might still get her way. That was the most uncertain part of all.
Desshiri took a deep breath, and pushed open the door without knocking.
"Mother? I have my answer."
Story: Choice
'Verse: Feredar
Colors: Sherry #8. I'm ceded -- I've stopped being Their's --, Wedding Dress White
Supplies and Materials: saturation, eraser (Desshiri AU), oils, stain, feathers, modeling clay, pastels (my current gen + romance card, O3 "building (verb)"), chalk, novelty beads (knots), glitter ("Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you… but trusting them not to." – Unknown),
Word Count: 3256
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Desshiri, Andrell, Kesshare, Riluke, Nolani, Ineku, Kes
Warnings: References to torture and enslavement, phantom sensations, some internalized ableism
Notes: Constructive criticism welcome, as always.
1. proposal
"You wouldn't want to marry the King of Feredar, would you?" The question was abrupt, and irritated, and did not bode well for the immediate future.
Desshiri stared at her mother for a long moment. "Does this...does he want me, or does the Grand Duke not want Nolani for him?"
"You would have to ask the young man what he feels," she said, with a certain coolness that Desshiri knew, from experience, meant trouble ahead. She had always been more likely than either of her sisters to cross her mother. Nolani was too wrapped up in being The Heir for overt defiance and Kirana would cooperate to her face and then do what she'd planned for herself anyway as soon as Mother's back was turned. But Desshiri would argue, for the same reckless impulsivity that had gotten her arrested in Feredar in the first place.
"I would...I need some time to think," Desshiri said.
From the way Mother's mouth thinned, this was not the answer she had wanted or expected. "Very well."
2. fancy dress
Desshiri studied herself in the mirror, and imagined herself in full regalia, dripping with lace and gems and heavy silk brocades (which she knew she'd hate; maybe she'd be able to influence fashion into something lighter and more practical), as Queen of Feredar.
It was, from what she understood, an even less involved role than the royal consort had in Glass. It was entirely dependant on the King's opinion of his wife. Queen Nida, when she lived, had been a part of her husband's administration. Queen Fera had been a ghost.
Desshiri didn't really want either life for herself. She didn't want to be the focus of court politics, or fashion, or any of the other things queens in Feredar got up to. But she didn't want to be invisible. She'd almost rather be mocked and hated than ignored.
Maybe she could find a middle ground. Maybe King Andrell would give her that. Like Mother did with Father--she needed him for certain court functions, and of course for the production of heirs, but she mostly let him go his own way, have his life as a doctor. Maybe she could even have more--not quite what his parents had had, she was more realistic than that, but...some kind of affection.
If she could have an arrangement like that, somewhere in the middle of being the focus or a ghost, and some kind of affection from her husband, life as Queen of Feredar might not be too bad.
5. bouquet
"I have to know what you want," Desshiri said. "I have to..." She schooled her hands to stillness, so as to not draw attention to her tingling incompleteness. "Are you doing this purely to check my mother's plans?"
He shook his head. "It...on my end, at least, it's not much to do with your mother." He sighed. "Everyone...you have to understand, the only thing everyone there in the room agrees on is that I must marry you or one of your sisters. Your mother wants Princess Nolani, Heartwood wants you, and the Grand Duke agrees. No one's so far suggested Princess Kirana--"
"They won't," Desshiri said. "And even if they did, Mother would shoot her down directly. She's chosen a celibate order and already taken her vows there.." And she can't be allowed to leave Glass, not with her gift.
Andrell nodded, but didn't say anything else.
"So what is it, on your end?" she asked, gripping her skirt to avoid rubbing where her leg ended.
"I want...I want to not have to fight another war," he said. "I...I don't know what I wish for. But whichever of you they decide, I will accept. Because I have to."
Desshiri took a deep breath. "Thank you for your honesty," she said, with a slight bow, and left him there.
14. maid of honor
"Do you want him?" Desshiri asked.
Nolani smiled wryly. "I won't say I haven't considered him. But...I don't know." She sighed. "I'm more concerned about what Mother wants. I don't think it'll go well for either of us if the representatives choose you."
Desshiri nodded. "What do you think she's planning?"
"Honestly?" Nolani thought for a minute. "I think...I think she wants something bigger than an alliance. Otherwise it makes no sense to push me. She wants the inheritance hassle."
"She wants an empire."
Nolani nodded.
Desshiri shivered, and pulled her cloak closer around herself. "Which means, if I agree and the council overrules her..." She didn't want to think about it. Murder was hardly beyond her mother's capabilities, and if Nolani's heirs stood in the way of her larger goals...
"Don't worry about that," Nolani said. "I can handle myself, and I'll find a way to protect my children, if I have any."
Desshiri nodded, and changed the subject. But she couldn't help but think--Nolani sounded so sure she could do it, but...
Even Uncle King couldn't save his children from Mother.
4. wedding china
Desshiri knew she couldn't trust this to a letter, but Riluke had been granted permission, by the Lady of the Islands and by Mother as Uncle Amassa's representative, to leave her post and visit here.
"What concerns you?" Riluke asked, when they found a time and place to be alone.
"I..." Desshiri trailed off. "I never wanted to marry. I never...I don't like the idea of that much..." She hesitated, but Riluke nodded, seeming to grasp what she meant. Grateful she didn't actually have to say it, Desshiri went on. "It's almost worse, that I already know him. We fought together, during the Siege, and..."
"Was there something there?" Riluke asked.
"I don't...I don't know," Desshiri said. Exploring how she actually felt about King Andrell--or, to be fair, any subject of real personal significance--was like tiptoeing along cracks in the floor. Even she wasn't that reckless. "I...it's...he got me out of there, on his aunt's orders, and...he was always supportive. But..."
"He's too tied to where he comes from?" her cousin tried.
Desshiri nodded. "That, and..." She sighed. "He doesn't...he doesn't want me. I always thought that...if I ever did marry, I would find a way to make sure that he, whoever he might be, wanted me."
"How can you be sure?" Riluke asked.
"He as good as told me," Desshiri said, surprising herself with how much it hurt. "He told me it didn't matter to him whether the treaty stipulated he marry me or 'Lani, he'd accept it whichever way it went."
Riluke was quiet for a moment, considering this. "I don't know him, so I can't say for sure, but...if he did want you, I don't know that he'd come out and say it. Given the way things are falling out, he'll have to accept whatever the treaty says. And if he openly declares a preference, that will make things difficult for him. Especially since your mother and the Grand Duke are opposed on this, and he's caught in the middle, in more ways than one."
Desshiri hadn't thought of that reasoning. "...do you think I should say yes?" she finally asked.
"I think," Riluke said carefully, "that you should consider very carefully all the consequences of both options. Not just the emotional ones--you've thought through those, I can tell. You will be in very real physical danger, and given..." Riluke delicately broke off, but it was enough for Desshiri to remember her last stay in Andrell's capital.
She shivered, and nodded. "Thank you. For helping, and...and for being here."
Riluke smiled. "Of course."
13. best man
She'd had to resort to letters for her father's advice--he hadn't been able to come with them, and Mother wanted him to stay where he was.
Darling, his letter said,
More than anything, I want you to be happy. We'll deal with the rest as it comes.
Desshiri refolded the letter and slid it into her sleeve. Father had said exactly what she'd expected, and his advice--though kind and with the best of intentions--wasn't particularly helpful. Still, reading his words, imagining his voice, made her feel warm inside, as it always did.
Even if Father wasn't particularly helpful as an adviser, he did make the whole problem seem a little bit less difficult.
187
10. chapel
Kirana's letter came without Desshiri asking for it. Hopeful for some clue as to the right choice, she opened the letter.
It was disappointingly short.
I love you, and I pray for you,
Kirana.
Which was very unhelpful and raised more questions than it answers. Typical.
Desshiri sighed, and carefully burned the letter before Mother could find it.
She still had no idea what to do.
12. witnesses
Desshiri would gain, if this actually happened, an enormous family, with baggage and scheming at least to equal hers. Add to that that most of them would either despise her or want to use her, and the unsafe feeling she got every time she seriously considered her answer grew with each passing moment.
She felt the crowd of sisters-in-law, nephews, nieces, pouring in on her, and the worst of it would be that she couldn't leave. Perhaps she'd be allowed to visit her homeland--especially if, as she feared, her mother limited the succession to create an empire--but every other avenue would be completely closed off.
The fear choked her, but the lead weights of conniving people and no freedom and never being able to see all of the things she wished to see and all of the things she didn't know to wish for yet...
And yet...
At least his oldest sister--older than her mother, frightening thought--would be on her side. And the next sister wanted, according to Riluke's spies, stability more than anything else. And Andrell himself...
If she had to marry, she could do worse than him.
She just wasn't entirely certain whether it was worth being trapped in that city again.
7. exchanging rings
The court worried Desshiri the most. Not that ordinary people couldn't be dangerous, but that they'd be in the best position to hurt her. And they'd have their own set of rules, and customs, and even if she weren't a mage, she have difficulty surviving in a foreign court.
She had enough trouble in the one she'd grown up in.
And, from what she knew, kings of Feredar mostly married within their borders, though sometimes princesses left to secure treaties and alliances. She wouldn't be totally unique in that, but she'd be the first in over a century.
Well, that wasn't exactly the trouble, if Desshiri was totally honest with herself. She craved adventure and new experiences. And maybe that would be a way to keep herself invested--teaching herself how to survive in a totally new vipers' nest, with customs and history she had only a vague knowledge of, full of prickly high-born people just waiting for her to put a foot wrong.
She smiled a little to herself at that. It wasn't quite setting off a dragon in a crowded marketplace, but, when she thought of it that way, it was almost as thrilling.
3. reception
The Grand Duke held some sort of Function or other every so often while he was hosting the talks, likely to keep disputes at the actual discussions to a minimum by keeping all the representatives and their staff and families happy.
Desshiri hated them. She couldn't dance, and everyone speculated why her mother had brought her, and a few people, eager to further ties from their houses to her own, had even proposed marriage (though that, at least, had tapered off some).
But even with that respite, ever since the topic of King Andrell's marriage had become central to the talks, she hated them even more.
Everyone watched her, whispered behind fans trying to guess what she'd decide, and how it would play out for the rest of the world. She heard one couple placing an actual bet on it.
Of course, Mother wouldn't let her skip these events. She was in her element, charming everyone she needed charmed, laying groundwork for gods-alone-knew what scheme that wouldn't pay off for ten years or more.
Dodging another eager diplomat who wanted to persuade her to one answer or the other, Desshiri headed out onto the balcony and closed her eyes, breathing in the breeze off the ocean.
6. throwing rice
To clear her head, Desshiri went out into the city, alone, to one of the dockside taverns. The sort of place she loved for the thrill of it, even acknowledging afterwards how much of a bad idea going down there probably was. Even though nothing had happened to her yet in such a place...
Much to her surprise, there was a familiar person gambling over darts.
"...Kes Hantree?"
She looked up. "Who's askin'?"
Desshiri made a light, to illuminate her face a little more clearly, and the Islander grinned.
"Well, imagin runnin' into you down here."
"I was just exploring. Can I join you?" Desshiri asked.
"Sure, why not?" Kes said, sliding over. "Hidin' from someone, or just bored up at the palace?"
"A little of both," Desshiri admitted. "I'll buy the next round?"
"Sure," Kes said, with a small smile.
Desshiri considered asking her for her opinion--Kes was a complete outsider, and would have a much more practical perspective on the whole issue than anyone else--but put aside that idea.
Because Kes was right, she was more interested in hiding right now. So, she'd indulge in some ale, maybe win some money at darts, talk to a few interesting strangers--with Kes to watch her back and make sure they both got out safe as an added bonus. For tonight, Desshiri thought she'd just enjoy the moment. Especially since she was considering giving this kind of thing up.
Tomorrow she could decide, she thought, as she flung a dart and was just a hair away from the brightly-colored center.
There would be enough of that tomorrow.
8. getting married in the morning
"It has been nearly a week, Desshiri," her mother said, sharply. "We cannot make much more progress without your answer."
Desshiri flushed, but refused to look down. "I know, Mother," she said. "I know how important this is, believe me."
"But you still don't have an answer."
"I'm still considering," she said. "There's a lot that goes into this."
"It is a simple question."
"But it's not a simple answer."
Her mother chewed that over for a minute, and seemed...almost impressed. Likely to combat her though Desshiri was, she was fairly sure her mother had expected her to give in long before this, one way or the other. It was a strange feeling--not quite pride, but something more than satisfaction in the tool that had been made.
"When will you have it?" she finally asked.
Desshiri thought for a moment. "Three days. I'll have an answer for you in three days."
"See that you do." Her voice was sharp as ice.
Impressed or not, Desshiri knew that her mother was far from pleased by it.
15. you may now kiss the bride/groom
Would he make her happy? That was what her father wanted, and...well, Nolani had protected and saved her so many times, that it was less difficult to believe she'd be able to save her own children the more Desshiri thought about it. And if the politics were equally chancy either way, then the only question really was whether he would make her happy.
Despite where they would be living.
Despite having Lady Rema and her well-intentioned vipers in her family.
The truth was...the truth was, Desshiri didn't hate Andrell. She enjoyed his company--he was intelligent, and kind, and would make a good king. And maybe he would let her at least range throughout his kingdom, exploring the little-known corners of the forests and mountains. And he had saved her before, the same way Nolani had.
That was a powerful thing, putting him in that category in her head.
She knew she could do worse than Andrell. And she knew it would be hard--so, so painfully hard.
But she didn't think she could do better. And if he was willing, they could make it work.
She just didn't know his mind well enough to be sure.
She had to speak with him again. She had to know.
9. eloping
"I answered your question before," Andrell said.
"Not really," Desshiri said. "I mean...yes, you answered the question I asked, but not the one I meant to ask."
"I can't read your mind," he said, dryly.
She flushed. "I know. And I'm sorry, I should have been clearer. I just..." She sighed. "Would I make you happy?"
He blinked. "I...Highness, I've only seen you at war, and in prison," he said. "I'm not sure I should judge my future happiness based on how you behave in terrible circumstances."
He had a point there.
Still, Desshiri couldn't resist pressing. "Then you've seen me at some of the lowest points in my life."
"But you won't be like that all the time. And I don't know...I don't know what you want, either." He ran a hand through his hair. "Would I make you happy?"
Desshiri winced. She'd been hoping he wouldn't turn it on her like that. "Of...of all the men I know, of all the potential...of all the potential husbands I've met...if I had to choose one, it would probably be you. But...but there's so much I haven't seen, so I don't know if..."
"Let's rephrase your question," Andrell interrupted. "If we took away all the rest--if the fates of nations weren't resting on your answer, if we were just...if we were just a man and a woman, who'd seen war together, and could go off to a tiny farm in the middle of nowhere and live our lives...would you accept me?"
"If you asked, and you wanted to be with me?"
"Yes."
Desshiri took a breath. "Then yes."
He flushed then. "Then I think you would make me happy."
"We can't do that, you know. Take all the politics out of it."
"I know." He tentatively reached for her hand, and she let him.
"It would be nice, though. If we could."
He squeezed her hand in silent answer.
11. certificate
Desshiri paused outside the room her mother had been assigned, and steeled herself for the upcoming battle.
So much remained unresolved--not least what might happen to her hypothetical nieces and nephews, and her own children, and her nightmares, and...
But there was time to work all of that out.
And it might all be for nothing. Mother might still get her way. That was the most uncertain part of all.
Desshiri took a deep breath, and pushed open the door without knocking.
"Mother? I have my answer."
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Yeah, it isn't easy for her. Especially since she's basically deciding the course of a lot of international politics for the next generation or two at the very least, and she's very aware of that fact.
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So do I, I'm not sure yet.