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rainbowfic2012-07-09 04:52 pm
auguris) wrote in rainbowfic2012-07-09 04:52 pm
Bone Black 18; Dove Grey 9; Fire Opal 10
Name: auguris
'verse: Ghost Sight
Story: Broker of Death II
Colors: Bone Black 18: Ash; Dove Grey 9: And I would ask, who were you?; Fire Opal 10: Fury
Supplies and Styles: Pastels: Under Pressure
Word Count: 1146
Rating: R
Warnings: Dealing with death; swearing.
Notes: The aftermath of the fire.
"I don't want to."
The burnt-out skeleton of his home loomed overhead. Ash stirred up around his feet with each step, coating his shoes and the ends of his pant legs. It had the smell of a recently put-out campfire; no longer toxic, not longer overbearing. He stood at what had been the entrance to the house, Master Vider at his side.
"You must."
Master Vider's hand on his back, not pushing but supporting. His fingers hurt from clenching them so tightly. He stepped over the threshold, grabbing onto what was left of a wall for support -- the charred wood disintegrated in his grip and he stumbled, falling to his knees. He froze, staring up at the house, wondering if the rest would fall down on top of him.
"Get up," Master Vider said, his quiet command booming in the silence.
He stood, hands pushing off his thighs. He brushed gray ash off his knees. He took another step forward. Another. Another.
"Sevana?" His voice trembled. Maybe she wouldn't answer. Maybe Master Vider was wrong. Maybe she wasn't here.
His arm hair stood up. A breeze blew past him and settled at his side, cold breathing down his neck. He closed his eyes, swallowed.
"Sevana," he said, opening his eyes. He turned to look at her; the air shimmered, like heat rising off asphalt. He said her name again and the shimmer took her form. He wanted to ask Vider why she was so slight, why she didn't appear solid, colorless, as if mist or smoke had taken wizard form.
She looked at him and his throat closed up. She moved close enough to touch and every inch of him went cold; it seeped into his bones and his brain. "Havard? Why is it so hot?"
He choked down laughter. He crossed his arms in a useless attempt to ward off the cold. "Th-there was a fire."
"Oh," so quiet only a Seer could have heard it, a whisper on the wind. "Are Mother and Father okay?"
He bit his lip to keep from crying. "No. No, they died."
Her form blinked out then back in, a smidge closer to solid, to a proper manifestation. "Did I die?"
die? die? die? dead? fire? dead? am i dead? in his head, interrupting and pushing out his own thoughts. Master Vider made a noise. He wanted to say that he couldn't do it, it was too much, he was losing himself. He concentrated on his breathing, proof that he was alive and well and had not died in the fire, although he wished he -- no, no, no, don't think that, not right now, he was alive and breathing and that was the important part.
He couldn't drown it out, the miasma of death, but he could push it back, could reinstate his own living, breathing self.
Still, in the back of his mind, he was dead.
"Yes, you did, Sevana. You died and now you're stuck. You have to. You have to go."
die die die dead fire? no fire no die stay stay stay die dead dead dead
He sucked in a breath, startled at the chill in his lungs. She blinked in and out, appearing more and more solid. "I'm not going anywhere. This is my house!"
Oh no, no, no, she couldn't get angry, he couldn't fight with her, couldn't-- out of the corner of his eye Master Vider's black robes swished closer. He shook his head.
"Y-you have to." No, that wasn't going to work. Idiot. He stood up straighter, raised his chin. He pulled magic out from himself, power surging into his words. "You have to leave. You don't live here anymore." His lip trembled, but his voice didn't.
stay stay stay no dead no stay dead no dead stay dead no no no
"This is my house!"
His vision blurred or she blurred or everything blurred; he took everything he had, everything he could pull from himself and from the ground and the ash and the very air, as much magic as he could contain and control, and shoved it out of his mouth screaming, "Leave!"
It was like trying to break down a door with no latch; she vanished, everything about her slipped off and away, out of every sight and sense, to Anaon or Avalon or where the hells ever and he nearly fell over with the force of his own power, suddenly short of breath, his lungs starving and the ash stirred up into his mouth and it was the fire all over again and she was gone, they were all gone--
Master Vider took him by the shoulders and shook him hard. He blinked at his Master, at the sun setting behind him, lighting him up like a paragon and he laughed, laughed so hard his body shook and he shoved Master Vider away, stumbling into a run and pounding against the ash and the gravel and the grass, hitting that overgrown field that didn't really belong to anyone and hitting dead yellow grass high enough to reach his waist and Vider shouting his name and then he tripped on something big and hard, really went flying, feet off the ground and he slammed into the dirt, air knocked out of him again.
He curled up and screamed into his arms, sobbing at the end of it and starting up again, trying to push everything out of himself. Master Vider grabbed at him, pulled him off the ground and grasped his face on both sides.
"Havard, are you hurt?"
He laughed, throwing his head back. "Am I hurt? Fuck you. Am I hurt. Fuck this! Fuck all of this! I don't want to do this anymore! I don't want to be a fucking Seer anymore, okay, take it all I don't even want it, don't want to be some, some broker of death, I just... I just want..." He pushed Master Vider away. Vider grabbed his arms and pulled him back. "I don't want this. I don't want to be the reason she didn't die right. I don't want to be the reason she left, okay? I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I'm done."
He didn't fight when Vider pulled him close. His ankle throbbed in time to his heartbeat. "You cannot ignore what you are, Havard. I brought you back here because you must understand yourself. What we can do is not simply about Seeing."
He shook his head. "I don't want to."
Master Vider sighed. "You must."
His ankle buckled under his weight; Master Vider put an arm around his waist. "Havard--"
"I don't want to be Havard anymore."
Another sigh. "Do you listen at all?"
He shook his head. "Havard died in the fire."
They took several steps together, back towards the street. It seemed a country away. "That may be necessary. You may need a new name."
He shrugged. "Why?"
"I will explain when you are ready to listen."
He rolled his eyes. "Fine. I think I already know what I want my new name to be."
"Oh?"
His smile felt sour. "Broker."
auguris'verse: Ghost Sight
Story: Broker of Death II
Colors: Bone Black 18: Ash; Dove Grey 9: And I would ask, who were you?; Fire Opal 10: Fury
Supplies and Styles: Pastels: Under Pressure
Word Count: 1146
Rating: R
Warnings: Dealing with death; swearing.
Notes: The aftermath of the fire.
"I don't want to."
The burnt-out skeleton of his home loomed overhead. Ash stirred up around his feet with each step, coating his shoes and the ends of his pant legs. It had the smell of a recently put-out campfire; no longer toxic, not longer overbearing. He stood at what had been the entrance to the house, Master Vider at his side.
"You must."
Master Vider's hand on his back, not pushing but supporting. His fingers hurt from clenching them so tightly. He stepped over the threshold, grabbing onto what was left of a wall for support -- the charred wood disintegrated in his grip and he stumbled, falling to his knees. He froze, staring up at the house, wondering if the rest would fall down on top of him.
"Get up," Master Vider said, his quiet command booming in the silence.
He stood, hands pushing off his thighs. He brushed gray ash off his knees. He took another step forward. Another. Another.
"Sevana?" His voice trembled. Maybe she wouldn't answer. Maybe Master Vider was wrong. Maybe she wasn't here.
His arm hair stood up. A breeze blew past him and settled at his side, cold breathing down his neck. He closed his eyes, swallowed.
"Sevana," he said, opening his eyes. He turned to look at her; the air shimmered, like heat rising off asphalt. He said her name again and the shimmer took her form. He wanted to ask Vider why she was so slight, why she didn't appear solid, colorless, as if mist or smoke had taken wizard form.
She looked at him and his throat closed up. She moved close enough to touch and every inch of him went cold; it seeped into his bones and his brain. "Havard? Why is it so hot?"
He choked down laughter. He crossed his arms in a useless attempt to ward off the cold. "Th-there was a fire."
"Oh," so quiet only a Seer could have heard it, a whisper on the wind. "Are Mother and Father okay?"
He bit his lip to keep from crying. "No. No, they died."
Her form blinked out then back in, a smidge closer to solid, to a proper manifestation. "Did I die?"
die? die? die? dead? fire? dead? am i dead? in his head, interrupting and pushing out his own thoughts. Master Vider made a noise. He wanted to say that he couldn't do it, it was too much, he was losing himself. He concentrated on his breathing, proof that he was alive and well and had not died in the fire, although he wished he -- no, no, no, don't think that, not right now, he was alive and breathing and that was the important part.
He couldn't drown it out, the miasma of death, but he could push it back, could reinstate his own living, breathing self.
Still, in the back of his mind, he was dead.
"Yes, you did, Sevana. You died and now you're stuck. You have to. You have to go."
die die die dead fire? no fire no die stay stay stay die dead dead dead
He sucked in a breath, startled at the chill in his lungs. She blinked in and out, appearing more and more solid. "I'm not going anywhere. This is my house!"
Oh no, no, no, she couldn't get angry, he couldn't fight with her, couldn't-- out of the corner of his eye Master Vider's black robes swished closer. He shook his head.
"Y-you have to." No, that wasn't going to work. Idiot. He stood up straighter, raised his chin. He pulled magic out from himself, power surging into his words. "You have to leave. You don't live here anymore." His lip trembled, but his voice didn't.
stay stay stay no dead no stay dead no dead stay dead no no no
"This is my house!"
His vision blurred or she blurred or everything blurred; he took everything he had, everything he could pull from himself and from the ground and the ash and the very air, as much magic as he could contain and control, and shoved it out of his mouth screaming, "Leave!"
It was like trying to break down a door with no latch; she vanished, everything about her slipped off and away, out of every sight and sense, to Anaon or Avalon or where the hells ever and he nearly fell over with the force of his own power, suddenly short of breath, his lungs starving and the ash stirred up into his mouth and it was the fire all over again and she was gone, they were all gone--
Master Vider took him by the shoulders and shook him hard. He blinked at his Master, at the sun setting behind him, lighting him up like a paragon and he laughed, laughed so hard his body shook and he shoved Master Vider away, stumbling into a run and pounding against the ash and the gravel and the grass, hitting that overgrown field that didn't really belong to anyone and hitting dead yellow grass high enough to reach his waist and Vider shouting his name and then he tripped on something big and hard, really went flying, feet off the ground and he slammed into the dirt, air knocked out of him again.
He curled up and screamed into his arms, sobbing at the end of it and starting up again, trying to push everything out of himself. Master Vider grabbed at him, pulled him off the ground and grasped his face on both sides.
"Havard, are you hurt?"
He laughed, throwing his head back. "Am I hurt? Fuck you. Am I hurt. Fuck this! Fuck all of this! I don't want to do this anymore! I don't want to be a fucking Seer anymore, okay, take it all I don't even want it, don't want to be some, some broker of death, I just... I just want..." He pushed Master Vider away. Vider grabbed his arms and pulled him back. "I don't want this. I don't want to be the reason she didn't die right. I don't want to be the reason she left, okay? I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I'm done."
He didn't fight when Vider pulled him close. His ankle throbbed in time to his heartbeat. "You cannot ignore what you are, Havard. I brought you back here because you must understand yourself. What we can do is not simply about Seeing."
He shook his head. "I don't want to."
Master Vider sighed. "You must."
His ankle buckled under his weight; Master Vider put an arm around his waist. "Havard--"
"I don't want to be Havard anymore."
Another sigh. "Do you listen at all?"
He shook his head. "Havard died in the fire."
They took several steps together, back towards the street. It seemed a country away. "That may be necessary. You may need a new name."
He shrugged. "Why?"
"I will explain when you are ready to listen."
He rolled his eyes. "Fine. I think I already know what I want my new name to be."
"Oh?"
His smile felt sour. "Broker."
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I really like the description in this. Broker's grief and despair is well done and I can't help wishing that someday he'll find peace.
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