Blue 17, Lust 23, Tractor Red 10: Press Conference

[bookblather]

Author: Kat
Title: Press Conference
Story: In The Heart
Colors: Blue 17 (blue in the face), lust 23 (in public), tractor red 10 (up in the hayloft) with Nikki's paint-by-numbers (Sex in semi-public places isn't as fun when you get caught).
Supplies and Materials: Canvas, brush (upbraid), oils (not a good omen), pastels (holding one's ground).
Word Count: 864
Rating: PG.
Summary: The press conference after Notes on a (Minor) Scandal.
Warnings: none, I don't think?
Notes: Gail is very short of patience at this point.


[transcript begins]

[MR. BERQUIST] Good morning, and thank you all for coming. Let me begin by saying that the Department of Education has looked into this incident and found no reasons for dismissal or even citation of misconduct. Gail Hirschfeld is one of our best directors. She has nothing but the best interests of the children we serve at heart. We condemn the tabloid reporting surrounding this incident, and stand behind her one hundred percent.

[REPORTERS] incoherent clamor

[MR. BERQUIST ] Yes, the gentleman in the front.

[FIRST REPORTER] Sir, are we to understand that the Department of Education condones its employees having public affairs?

[MR. BERQUIST] We absolutely do not condone any such thing. Next question.

[FIRST REPORTER] Then why do you say Ms. Hirschfeld has done nothing wrong?

[MR. BERQUIST] I’ll let her answer that question. Gail?

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] I am not having an affair.

[REPORTERS] clamor

[FIRST REPORTER] Then who was the gentleman in the photographs? The two of you are very clearly depicted in a, ah, romantic encounter.

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] Oh, for God’s sake, do you people not fact-check? That was Nathan. My husband. The man to whom I am married. I fail to see in what way we were doing anything wrong.

[MR. BERQUIST] under his breath Gail. louder Any further questions?

[SECOND REPORTER] You really expect us to believe that was your husband?

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] I refuse to answer that question.

[SECOND REPORTER] So you admit it wasn’t your husband.

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] You nasty little…

[MR. BERQUIST] Gail, please. to Second Reporter Sir, your question is out of line and insulting.

[SECOND REPORTER] I fail to see how…

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] You’re implying that I’m a liar as well as failing in your professional duties to report the truth to the best of your knowledge. Look, my husband is an architect at Moore and Sons. His picture is on the website. Use Google.

[THIRD REPORTER] Ms. Hirschfeld, the photographs appear to depict you and your husband in your office.

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] Yes. Was there a question?

[THIRD REPORTER] Do you not see that as a breach of professional etiquette?

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] Everyone, this is how you ask a polite and reasonable question about the situation. Take notes.

[THIRD REPORTER] Thank you. Do you have an answer?

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] Yes. It is a breach of professional etiquette. However, it was our fifteenth wedding anniversary, and I hadn’t seen my husband for more than five consecutive minutes in almost a week. I do apologize for the location of this incident, but I refuse to apologize for loving my husband. Furthermore, I would like to state for the record that the photographs are a gross invasion of our privacy, and the quality of reporting surrounding them has been remarkably awful. Shape up. You guys are better than this.

[SECOND REPORTER] So you don’t feel you gave up your right to privacy when you had sex in a public place.

[MR. BERQUIST] Sir, you have been warned about the tone of your questions.

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] That’s actually a reasonable one, Jeff, and the answer is no, because my office is not a public place. The building does belong to the city of New York, but my office and the offices of the other officials are not to be invaded without warning. It’s a basic tenant of common courtesy. Needless to say, photographs taken through the window violate that.

[MR. BERQUIST] The Department of Education agrees with Ms. Hirschfeld and will pursue to the fullest extent of the law any paper or news outlet that reproduces them after this press conference.

[FOURTH REPORTER] So you don’t feel that this is setting a bad example for children?

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] Seriously? He is my husband. Married couples have sex. I admit that the choice of location was wrong, but if you expect me to apologize for something which is both irreproachable and none of your damn business anyway, you will have a very long wait.

[FOURTH REPORTER] Can we quote you on that?

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] Please do. And bear in mind libel laws. I am not afraid to get litigious.

[FIFTH REPORTER] What about your daughter?

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] My children have nothing to do with this situation. Next question.

[FIFTH REPOTER] Do you deny that your older daughter was born out of wedlock?

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] Does anyone have any relevant questions?

[FIFTH REPORTER] Why won’t you answer mine?

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] My children have nothing to do with this situation, and you will not drag them into it.

[MR. BERQUIST] That question is out of line.

[FIFTH REPORTER] It speaks to her morals, sir.

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] If you attempt to drag my children’s names through the mud in pursuit of some cheap story, I will sue you and your paper until all three of them have enough money to get a PhD if they so desire. Are we clear?

[FIFTH REPORTER] If it’s relevant…

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] No more questions. And someone please educate the reporter from the Enquirer on professional ethics.

[REPOTERS] clamor

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] I’m going to kill you for this, Jeff.

[MR. BERQUIST] Your mike is still live.

[MS. HIRSCHFELD] I know.

[transcript ends]

Comments

[isana]

(icon for the reporters, not for you).

Oh, reporters. Especially #2 and #5. It's like you're seriously trying to make money off of nothing. Also, the threat to sue a paper until all three kids have enough to get Ph.Ds is nothing short of awesome. ILU, Gail!

[bookblather]

Seriously! The third reporter I kind of like, and the first was just trying to get the truth, but the rest are kind of eye-rolly.

Ahahah, do not threaten Gail's kids in any way, shape or form. She'll end you.

Thank you!

[leia_solo]

This was awesome! I loved that you made it look like an actual transcript, very creative of you!

Oh and go on with your bad self Gail!

[bookblather]

Thank you! It always was a transcript in my head, so there's that.

[five_steps_back]

Oh, I adore Gail. This is an awesome piece.

(Possibly, you've inspired me to write a press conference with Chloe and Faith.)

[bookblather]

Isn't she fabulous? Thanks!

(ooh, I hope so.)

[sarcasticsra]

Lol, those reporters. How so stupid. There isn't something more important you could be covering, guys? Really?

(Not that I don't believe it. I mean. Balloon boy.)

This is awesome. Gail rocks, always. Great job!

[bookblather]

I know right? What is it about political sex scandals that attract reporters like flies?

Thank you!

[shipwreck_light]

"Use Google. "

Plus

"I know."

= SO MUCH LOVE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Not even slimy reporters can dampen the love XD.

[bookblather]

Aww, reporter #3 isn't that bad. But the rest are jerks, is true. Fortunately Gail is too awesome for them.

Thank you!

[shadowsong26]

Gail is awesome and this made me smile so much. :D

Good job!

[bookblather]

Is she not? Thank you!

[clare_dragonfly]

Hahaha, that was great! The emotion (and assholery) really came through despite teh fact that it's just a transcript :D Go Gail!

[bookblather]

Thanks very much! I'm glad the format worked. :D