five_steps_back: (Default)
Nikki ([personal profile] five_steps_back) wrote in [community profile] rainbowfic2012-03-04 05:56 pm

Chalk White 2, with Collage, Eraser, Novelty Beads, Pastels, Oils, Clay, and more

Name: Nikki
Colors: Chalk White 2. "Hey how would you like to be God awhile/And steer the world?"
Styles and Supplies: Collage, Eraser (Kelly's Nightmare AU), Novelty Beads (I retrieve the memories quickly as I can/Add them to the portrait we all draw in our minds/Your body gone, we shall keep the man -Vienna Teng, Say Uncle, from Kat), Pastels (my gen+romance card; I5: masks), Oils (missing something big), Modeling Clay (#143: forgotten), Chalk (Searching For Victims), Feathers (Your character meets someone with a bad reputation.), Yarn (Warped Spiral Galaxy)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 379
Story: Second Genesis; the title of this piece is 'Scarification.'
Summary: Jax prayed every day when Chloe was missing
Notes: Trigger Warnings for self harm. I cannot believe I'm writing in this AU, because Jax decided to hit me with an angst bucket today. Takes place May 2033.

Jax prayed every day. He prayed when he woke up, before every meal, before he went to sleep, every time he went to church. He spent a lot of time at church, recently. At first, it had been to pray that God bring Miss Chloe back safe and okay, and now he just prayed to Him to save him from misery and guilt.

He should have stayed with her.

It never worked. Jax was horrified with himself when he realized that he was losing his trust in God. But he put on a brave mask for everyone else, acted much more fine than he was, went through the motions of taking care of everyone else. Miss Chloe would have wanted him to take care of everyone else, he knew that, but it was hard to do. It seemed like people needed so much, and it felt like there was so much less of him now.

It was handy that he worked where he did. He could say he was staying late to work on a sketch or a tattoo idea, and it was easy to be the last one alone in the shop. He had keys, so he could lock up. After that, he would go to one of the rooms and prepare it like he would for any client before he got gloves and a mask and a scalpel out of inventory.

His left leg was the easiest place for him to access; his arms had too many tattoos, and his right leg had the wisteria tattoo. Miss Chloe had loved that one, so he wouldn't risk messing it up. His left calf was a bloody mess before long, but he knew it would be fine. He knew what he was doing, just taking off enough skin to scar, but not going deep enough or near anything vital enough to kill him. He cut a repeating diamond pattern around his calf, like a chain link fence, so he could have some semblance of an excuse.

It's just scarification. It won't mean nothin'.

It hurt, worse than anything he had ever felt, except for losing Miss Chloe. It hurt enough to make him cry and bite his lips and cheeks to bleeding, but it was better than being sad.
subluxate: Sophia Bush leaning against a piano (Default)

[personal profile] subluxate 2012-03-05 12:08 am (UTC)(link)
Poor Jax. =( This stupid AU. Poor everyone, but I really feel for him, trying to get rid of the pain or at least cover it somehow.

Good job.
subluxate: Sophia Bush leaning against a piano (Default)

[personal profile] subluxate 2012-03-05 12:12 am (UTC)(link)
Um. I bet she gets in a lot of fights. And wears out a punching bag.
subluxate: Sophia Bush leaning against a piano (Default)

[personal profile] subluxate 2012-03-05 12:36 am (UTC)(link)
Unfortunately, I think we said she and Diana don't really talk after this because they each feel so guilty. So that's one person who could at least give her a place that's out of the picture.
subluxate: Sophia Bush leaning against a piano (Default)

[personal profile] subluxate 2012-03-05 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah. That's something. Poor dude, seriously.
bookblather: A picture of Yomiko Readman looking at books with the text "bookgasm." (Default)

[personal profile] bookblather 2012-03-05 01:30 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, man, this AU. :( So sad.
kay_brooke: Side view of a laptop with text "Being an author is like being in charge of your own personal insane asylum" (writing quote)

[personal profile] kay_brooke 2012-03-05 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Jax's pain is so saddening, especially how he tries so hard to convince the rest of the world he's fine.